Grade C Moron

While I was working as a high school teacher, during one of my classes, a few problem students used my computer to do research online while I assisted other students at their desks. When I heard a familiar "DING" error message come from my computer, I moseyed over to check what was going on. By the time I reached them to monitor what they were doing, everything looked to be on the up-and-up. Because it was these particular students, however, I had a momentary doubt, but I knew I'd never be able to prove anything, so I just dismissed my suspicions altogether.

After the period ended, I sat at my computer and entered scores into my grading program. At one point, I mis-clicked and the computer sounded with a "DING!" Suddenly, I was reminded what that noise I had heard earlier was. That particular "DING" was not a general computer sound, but unique to my grade book. Those rats must have been invading my electronic grade book! I compared the students' averages to the ones in my backup file and, sure enough, one kid had generously found a way to transform eir D into a C.

The kid could have easily gotten away with it. Had I not so soon thereafter provoked the error noise myself, I would have forgotten the incident altogether. And while I might have noticed if they switched it to an A, the discrepancy between a D and a C is not too big at the beginning of the semester when grades fluctuate wildly due to the small number of graded assignments. I didn't ever keep backups of the grades, so if I hadn't accidentally made another error that same morning by hitting "Save As" instead of "Save," I wouldn't have had a second copy of the most recent grade report to compare the altered grade to. At any other point, if someone were to change eir grade, I most likely would not notice. Yet through a comedy of errors, I had fortuitously been able to catch this scam and I wasn't about to pass up this opportunity.

Dispite my believes too the contrary Im not more smart then Mr. [Kevin].

I used this sentence as the daily grammar exercise for this same class during our next meeting. They fixed it up to read "Despite my beliefs to the contrary, I'm not smarter than Mr. [Kevin]."

"Good," I said. "But you're still not smarter than me. Know that."

"Why are you saying that?" a student asked.

"Because," I began. "There are certain students in this classroom who don't seem to get that. Apparently, while I so generously allowed some students to use my computer, they took advantage of that trust."

"What did they do?" asked a student not involved.

"Changed some grades. I knew all along -- that whole time I knew what they were doing. [That was a lie.] I just didn't say anything then because I didn't have time to deal with it at that moment. [Another lie.] I knew I could catch it later by comparing it to my backup files. [Lie.] You don't think I wouldn't keep backup files, would you? [Lie, lie, lie.] It is so easy to catch a student who does this. [Lie!]"

At this point, the guilty party made panicked face before slamming it against eir desk.

I continued. "I don't think I need to say who did it, but I assure you that this student will be punished severely."

The student's head continued to slam against the desk. The kid didn't need to worry, however, because that last statement was just as much a lie as the rest of them. Like most of my threats, it was empty; I hated discipline, and it would take a lot of effort to successfully get the student in trouble for this offense. Besides, it was victory enough to make the class think I was so smart and on top of things. In truth, I had just lucked out and felt dumb for not cluing into it sooner. But for the first time after being their teacher for nearly six months, my students verbally expressed respect for my intelligence.