Definitely Not Now

Last weekend, Anna invited me to dinner with two of her housemates. They were fun people, but also quite a handful. And immature. It's probably worth mentioning that Anna's housemates are age four and six. The idea of taking kids out to a restaurant without their parents sounded like it could get messy. Yet that was the appeal, an opportunity to remind myself exactly why I'm making no attempt to procreate currently.

When Anna picked me up, the girl was already in the back seat and was clearly painfully nervous around me; Anna claimed she had never seen her behave shyly before. After I asked her a few of the typical questions about school, however, she opened up to me. "There were ten mermaids at school today!" she said delightedly. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but I acted excited. Then she laughed maniacally before shrieking, "I FOOLED YOU! There was only one mermaid, not ten!" Ah, yes. Of course there was only one mermaid, how silly of me. She may have been a trickster, but she was painfully cute, too.

We then went to pick up the boy from a play date, which he declared the "best play date ever!" meaning he was all sorts of rambunctious. Enjoying the experience, Anna expressed that she couldn't wait to be a parent and asked if I felt the same way. I told her that I think I want kids someday, but "definitely not now." I began to elaborate that I could not see myself being a teacher and a parent simultaneously as I find the experience too draining, but I couldn't finish when the kids inexplicably began screaming at the top of their lungs. They admitted there was no point other than to be loud. Anna, who initially was ready for kids now, said, "Yeah... definitely not now." Then the kids started hitting each other; when Anna intervened they explained that it was okay because they were just "playing a violent game." Oh, apologies. Carry on, then. Mid-admonishment, it got quiet. We found that the boy, who was screaming less than a minute before, was now fast asleep. Golly, that must have been some play date after all.

The first restaurant we tried had far too long of a wait for hungry, antsy kids, so we made our way to a pizza joint on one of its karaoke nights. The kids had never been exposed to karaoke before, so Anna tried to explain the concept of it to them as we entered the establishment. "I don't get it," said the boy. I find that to be the most honest, accurate sentiment one could express when being introduced to karaoke, even from wise adults.

I tried to get the kids to sing with me, but they wouldn't bite. Instead, the girl wanted me to sing a song for her. When I asked if she had a request, she suggested "The ABCs." I never followed through with that... regrets, I have a few. The kids played video games, a ton of air hockey, and drew pictures. The girl was like Van Gogh, but with twice the ears. She drew me a series of pink squiggles entitled, "Cake in a Jar." I loved it, but I admit I was most jealous of Michael Michael, who joined us with Jessica at the restaurant part way through our night. The girl loved Michael Michael most of all, drawing him several pictures, my favorite being "Exploring," a big green blob which she drew without looking at the paper even once. When she handed it to Michael Michael, she also wasn't looking, and accidentally handed him a blank sheet of paper. When Michael Michael showed that the picture wasn't on it, she thought he performed the most amazing magic trick that ever occurred. It was positively adorable.

Though we had planned to going bowling afterwards as well, the night got a bit late for the kids. When Anna inquired about the kids bedtime, the girl said, "20:30." I laughed, thinking she was trying to make up some time that would never come so that she could stay up forever. Then Anna realized she was using military time and suddenly it made sense. I don't even know military time, why is a four-year-old using it? Again, positively adorable.

As it turns out, kids can be cute. Especially when you can return them to their parents at the end of the night. Still, though: definitely not now.