Trapped in the Closet

You might remember that last year I screened Trapped in the Closet to my school. The crowds were delighted with the poorly-produced, over-the-top antics of R. Kelly and friends. Recently, some friends upped the ante by developing a genius idea: Trapped in the Closet: the Sing-Along! I'm not sure how I missed it previously: audience participation is the missing element. As someone quipped, it's the Rocky Horror Picture Show of our generation. Some people sang word-for-word, others just screamed their favorite inane, melodramatic rhyming lines, and others just acted out some of the tense scenes. I had an amazing time; the experience was indescribable.

Why do I love Trapped in the Closet so? Let me count the ways:

1. Hypocritical adulterers. Everyone is cheating on eir partner as well as is being cheat on by eir partner. Hence, everyone is mad at everyone for the very same grievance ey is committing.

2. People hiding in closets. That one is pretty self-explanatory.

3. R. Kelly repeatedly threatening various lovers (and their lovers) with a gun he whips out at whim.

4. The one Caucasian character is portrayed as borderline mentally retarded.

5. An unfaithful (towards his spouse, not God) bisexual minister.

6. Simply Twan. Twan is R. Kelly's spouses sibling. He's a gangster and ridiculous.. He is shot just an hour after getting out of prison. (Also, he was just two days away from retirement!) Rather than going to the hospital, he cleans his own wound in the bathroom.

7. R. Kelly screaming to his over-amorous spouse to stop thrusting against him because he's getting a leg cramp and in danger of bursting a vessel in his brain.

8. If you listen to the commentary track, R. Kelly clearly fancies himself a genius as he coos at his own "fantastic" rhymes.

9. The repeated occasions when a character instantaneously switches from homicidal to jovially laughing.

10. Last but not least, there is a well-endowed, incontinent stripper midget. Yes, you read that correctly.

By now, I reckon that anyone who has not yet seen Trapped in the Closet by the time they reached reason #6 has fled from the computer to obtain a copy to watch. Those of you who are still with me have probably had the fortune of watching the epic music video experience. For you, I encourage you to check out Trapped in the Clauset, one of the best parodies I have seen in my entire life. (Again, it's a parody, so it probably will not be amusing unless you are familiar the original on which it is based.) Enjoy: