What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas - Unless You Blog

Okay, so I might have exaggerated the guarantee of winning money in Vegas. Stick with me, here.

Late Friday night, we go to a casino with all-night bowling. It was rumored to be a dollar a game, but turned out to be $5.50 instead because it was a weekend. Even though I made $125 the night before, that price seemed a bit too steep for bowling; I have standards. Instead, Michael Michael and I opt to hit the tables.

Well, the night sucks. I lose all of my profit from the night before, plus an additional ten bucks. I lament to Michael Michael as we are about to leave the casino that this trip will be the first time I am leaving Vegas without having made a profit. When he finds out I'm only down $10, he encourages me to make one more bet to not tarnish my record.

I hate roulette. I think it's boring and pointless. But the odds are there: nearly 50%. Normally, I'd try for similar odds at the craps table, but the luck wasn't with me there. I put $10 on red and lose.

Shit. Okay, I should have just been fine losing $10. Now I'm down $20. But there's a system with roulette, to just keep doubling the money until you hit and you'll win your money back. At 50/50 odds, it'll treat you well so long as you're willing to continually make the risk. So I put $20 on red again. Another loss. Fuck. Do I want to keep going? Fine. $40 on red. It's black again. $80?

At this point, let me make it abundantly clear that though Michael Michael encourages me, I do not blame him. All decisions made are my own; though Michael Michael was perhaps an enabler by lending me the money to make the bets, he is not responsible for my choice. Furthermore, I am playing designated driver for the night, so I am of completely sound mind. Okay, not of sound mind, but sober.

I go for it. It's called gambling, right? $80 on red. It's bound to hit. Who misses that many times in a row? Me. This shit is rigged for black! Where's my red?! 10 + 20 + 40 + 80 = $150. I've now lost $150 in five minutes of roulette.

The next step would be to risk $160 all in an effort just to break even. This is exactly the type of gambler I refuse to become. So we walk. Not only do I not have the cash to afford that, but it's stupid. This entire thing is stupid. Gambling isn't fun anymore. I've learned the lesson I've been waiting to learn for a while.

I don't intend to gamble again anytime soon. Go figure that I would make bank on the night I'm piss drunk and kicked out of the casino, but blow it all the night I'm trying to be responsible.

Next time, I'll spring for the $5.50 to go bowling instead.