The Best Night I Can't Remember

Have you ever woken up next to your guardian angel? (A cheesy way to open a post, but I would give my students on a perfect score on their writing rubrics for including an engaging open with a similar line.)

Yesterday, a bunch of us soon-to-be teachers set off for a Las Vegas getaway. Vegas is absolutely disgusting, but provides me with free alcohol and money, so I'm always down to go. About a dozen of us were planning to all squeeze into a couple of the smallest hotel rooms, but because of a booking error on the hotel's part, they gave us a plush, gigantic suite near the top that ended up fitting all of us more than comfortably.

After a few hours of wandering the strip, Michael Michael and I headed to the tables to do what we do best: gamble. The night started well; I had a half hour roll at the craps table that won me a few twenties and some strangers at the other end literally thousands of dollars, which is always fun. People would have probably treated me to a drink if they weren't already free, and I wasn't already taking advantage. I sucked those suckers down.

At this point, it's important to note that I've never blacked out before in my life. Granted, there have been times when I don't remember things as clearly, but if someone reminds me of it, it'll come back to me. From that night, however, the last thing I remember was standing with Stacy at the craps table living it up.

It's about 10 a.m. the next morning. Feeling somebody's presence, I open my eyes and look up to see Jennifer. "Hi," she says. I respond, but realize she's not talking to me. That's when I notice that someone is spooning me. Ah, there's nothing like waking up next to a stranger on a Vegas hotel floor. Apparently, it's "Tammy," but I have to wait for her to refer to herself in the third person before I could figure that out. She's not a fellow teacher, but a friend of Jennifer's I didn't know who came along for the trip.

I thank Tammy profusely for taking watch over someone she didn't even know, and she insists it was a pleasure, because we spent the night bonding. Apparently, I was a chatty drunky-poo, and we spent hours learning about each other. Well, she learned anyway. I can't tell you a single thing about her and can't even imagine what I shared with her that made her feel so close. Let's hope that she doesn't blog, too.

Michael Michael inquires about the previous night. "Do you remember getting kicked out of the casino?" What?? I don't know whether to be more humiliated that that happened or that I can't remember it. "Do you remember throwing up on your feet?" Uh, no. "Do you remember having that awkward encounter walking by the cops?" No to that as well, but apparently that's a lie, because I was not walking, instead being more or less carried by Michael Michael past two cops who wanted to intervene. As this story is recounted, evidently I whispered, and as most drunk whispers go, in an entirely unsubtle fashion, "I see them!" with all of the creepiness of a Haley Joel Osmond, "I see dead people!"

Of course, I'm concerned. I pride myself on being a good drunk, not the type to get kicked out of the casino. Apparently, I didn't do anything too bad except curse. Some of the other patrons were bothered by my social craps playing (though craps is an extremely social game) and told Stacy and I to "focus on the dice" instead of chatting with each other, which is totally against the vibe of this table game, so bad on them. At some point, Stacy and Christina and I cut me off from the free drinks, and I'm pleased to announce that I listened. Still, the damage was already done, because I was so trashed that I was passing out on the craps table, unable to keep my head up. That was what got me kicked out. So it could have been much worse. Michael Michael reminds me that my goal for the night was not to spill on myself or the table and I succeeded. Perhaps I should have aimed a little higher, though.

In better news, I woke up with $185 in chips in my pocket. I started with just $60 worth, which means I more than tripled my money, despite being obliterated. I'm telling you, Vegas is terrific because you can't lose! I can't even tell you what happened the night before, and I still came home a richer person. Thank you, Las Vegas.

Oh, and also thanks to Tammy, my guardian angel, whoever she is.