Sprayed by a Skunk

In an effort to be a healthier me, I try to go jogging a few nights per week. It's a struggle though, because every time I don't make myself jog, that's a night where, well, I don't have to jog! That always sounds appealing, so it's amazing the excuses I'll find for not going out to do it. But even my creative mind couldn't have made up the best excuse I found yet: skunk attacks.

I don't know why I didn't think of the skunk excuse previously, actually. I'm aware of a skunk living in my neighborhood as I've smelled it a few times. I even saw it cross the street once from the safety of my car - guess I should have run that fucker over when I had the chance.

While jogging last night, I saw what I thought was a cat a bit ahead scurrying away. Since it was trying to avoid me, I didn't change my course. As I passed it, I realized that it was a skunk, and out of the corner of my eye I saw its tail go up. I sprinted faster than ever to avoid a disaster, and although I could smell it, I felt pretty good that I managed to outrun its spray.

I continued jogging, but I also continued to smell the skunk. I figured the scent would dissipate the further I got away from the point of origin, but the stench lingered. That's when I had to acknowledge that the skunk got me.

Once at home, I threw out my clothing and bathed and scrubbed for what felt like an eternity. Today, I don't smell skunk on myself at all, but I'm still paranoid. Since I work from home and my roommate is vacationing, I have yet to have face-to-face human contact. It seems extremely possible that I still reek but can no longer tell. I'm actually afraid to rejoin society tonight. Oh, and this is not going to be one of those times when it's acceptable for you to be like "psst - Kevin still smells, but let's not tell him because it's funny." IF YOU'RE MY FRIEND AND I SMELL LIKE SKUNK, YOU NEED TO TELL ME, OKAY?

As for jogging - I don't know what I'm going to do about that. Clearly, Mother Nature wants me to be obese, so like, who am I to argue?