Making out with Yourself

I am such a compulsive multi-tasker that I will save the last twenty minutes of my book to read on my walk back to the liberry. Though I definitely walk slower while reading, I consider this act to be time-saving overall.

Plus, I kind of like having my nose in a book on my regular walks because I pass so many schools. I can't help but be paranoid that, as an adult male, when people see me walk by schools, they assume I'm some sort of pedophile. It's not the case at all, and perhaps part of the reason I still carry around my old teacher ID (well, that and discounts) so that if questioned, I can show that I am certified to work with kids, not an abductor. Never has any of this stuff been a problem, but I just prefer to have my eyes averted and credentials ready just in case.

However, on today's walk, I almost missed the most amazing scene because I was reading. Across from the liberry, I heard laughter right beside me. I turned to see a tiny kid making kissing noises and hugging himself tightly. My first thought was "Holy autism!" but then I realized that he had his back to a group of girls who were watching him pretend to make out with someone, as kids sometimes do. As with real kissing, however, he had his eyes shut, so he was unaware that only a few feet and a fence separated us. The girls, seeing my shocked expression, laughed even harder. Noticing the amplification, he opened his eyes, saw me staring at him, and jumped backward screaming in embarrassment. It's one thing to perform for a specific audience, but another thing when an adult crashes the show.

Toying with the kid, I decided to give him one of those, "Yeah, you're kind of funny, but cut it out!" looks I perfected as a teacher, prompting him to hide his face. I kept walking, but behind me I could hear the girls begging him to do it again, to which he obliged. Only then did I realize the reason I was so drawn to this scene: this kid was me. That's something I would do at his age: make an ass out of myself for a bunch of girls in the hopes of earning their affection. Later he'll probably ask if any of them want to kiss for real, and when they decline, he'll tell them he was having more fun making out with himself anyway.

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