A few days before my party, I found this orange shirt at a thrift store:
Instantly, I fell in love. I'm really into self-depricating lunch lady humor. Plus, the art is pretty good for this shirt considering there couldn't be a commercial market for it. Did someone have this custom made?
Because it's awesome, I decided to make the shirt's debut at my party. Everyone was all "LOL what is that?" but a couple of hours into the night, Allison revealed her gift to me:
Ahhh! It's a t-shirt with the slogan I had said I wanted on a t-shirt! Amazing! Without hesitation, I threw it on over the orange shirt, which I have a feeling you'll be seeing that again a lot around Halloween (and several times in the interim, let's be honest.) Alas, in that moment, nothing could be more perfect that than the "limp penis" shirt. Consequently, most of my birthday photos feature me looking like some deranged, impotent veteran (admittedly, I don't generally need my wardrobe to help achieve that appearance), but I was too elated to care.
I'm not sure how many occasions I will have to wear the Limp Penis shirt. I'm a pretty ballsy guy (perhaps ALL balls if the shirt is to be believed), but even I would feel self-conscious wearing it in public. The day after my party, I woke up still wearing the shirt. Along with the others who had crashed at my house for the night, I was going to go to the local eatery's World Cup party and tried to work up the confidence to keep my flatulent fashion on for the occasion. Then I realized that the shirt was stained with lots of alcohol and frosting so there was no way I could wear it out, as if the soiling was the actual embarrassing part.
But I will find an occasion to wear it again. Mark my words, or I'm not someone with PSTD (post-traumatic stress dick).
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