Lane Bryant

Stacy came across this vintage ad today. Come and get it, chubbies!

Two Decembers ago, I asked my sibling what she wanted for Christmas. She requested a gift certificate to a clothing store (since I couldn't be trusted to pick out an outfit itself), but didn't specify which store. Standing in the mall, I looked cluelessly at the directory trying to pick a store, before deciding to just call her for an answer.

When she didn't pick up, I initially wasn't going to leave a message since I was already at the mall and had no intention of coming back later. I marched to the nearest store, but when I still hadn't hung up at the sound of the beep, I improvised a message. "Hey, I'm at the mall buying your present, but I couldn't remember what stores you liked. It's okay, though, I'm pretty sure you mentioned Lane Bryant, so I'll just buy that."

Within a few minutes, I received a panicked call from my sibling. Rather than wasting time with a greeting or pleasantries, she said, "DID YOU REALLY BUY ME A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO LANE BRYANT?!" "Yeah, is that okay?" "KEVINNNN!! That's a store for fat people!"

Ah, but you see, I hadn't actually bought her a gift certificate to Lane Bryant. The nearest store had actually been The Gap, a store from which she owns clothing. I knew that, given my lack of fashion knowledge, she would assume I didn't know what Lane Bryant is and would believe my ignorance. (Thanks to The Onion's Jean Teasdale, however, this was knowledge I had acquired.) I had just said Lane Bryant because I knew it was a plus-size store and that she would be insulted and freak out.

Nothing like pranking your superficial sibling just in time for the holidays!