Cat Safety

My friend in Chicago inherited a cat when her sister went on an extended road trip. She was good-natured about the babysitting even though the cat would wake her up at night and sometimes even sneeze on her. I realize that's how feline leukemia spreads, but kitten sneezes sound cute.

Once her sister finally returned to her home in Los Angeles, my friend began making arrangements to return the cat. Then, last week, there was an earthquake and now the sister doesn't want her cat back because it's not safe. She is convinced Los Angeles is facing imminent disaster and wants her cat nowhere near it.

I told my friend that it sounds like her sister is just crafting an elaborate excuse to pass off responsibility of the cat, but she insists that her sister is genuinely freaked out by earthquakes. Look, I'm all for earthquake preparedness. Have your flashlights ready! Store some water, y'all. But sending your pet to another state is pretty extreme.

If she thinks LA is that much of a deathtrap, maybe she shouldn't be living there herself. Plus, Chicago also experienced an earthquake recently; you can run, but you can't hide. I told her to slap a helmet on that cat and Fed-Ex it back to California pronto. Initially, we laughed at the notion of cat helmets, but then we realized it could be a MILLION DOLLAR IDEA. I did some preliminary google searching, and there doesn't seem to be a legitimate product of its sort.

Cat owners are notoriously crazy. It wouldn't take much to convince them that they need to protect their critters' skulls. Furthermore, the craziest can owners have like dozens of them, so that's a lot of potential helmet sales.

Anyone want to invest in my business? No? How about if I throw in this killer tag line: Cats May Have Nine Lives, But You Only Get to Share One of Them. Yeah, that's right. Start throwing money at this genius.