2010-04-05

Dancing with Dolly Parton

While Stacy sang Dolly Parton's "9 to 5" at karaoke on Saturday night, there was this obscene couple grinding against each other on the dance floor. I've chaperoned a high school dance before, so it was not the act itself that was off-putting, just the timing. The dance just did not correspond with the music. The pair was pressed against each other, the woman rigorously writhing her butt on the man's pelvis. It'd be one thing if they had already been doing this dance before the song started, but they had actually got up once the song started.

"How can they dance like that?" I asked Bianca.
"Yeah, that's just not appropriate for a Dolly song," she agreed.
I nodded and pondered the situation further. "Or maybe it's entirely appropriate," I suggested.

As I see it, Dolly Parton also probably has to dance with her ass against her partner. There's just no way she can dance face-to-face, she'd have to leave about two feet of space between them with those breasts. Those boobs might bring all the boys to the yard, but she doesn't have any room for those boys once they get there. Unless they approach her from behind. That's the only way to snuggle up close to her. Pull a reach around, if you must, but there's no other reasonable way to dance with Ms. Parton.

That probably goes for sex with Dolly, too: it's a situation most realistically approached from behind. Her boobs are a blessing and a curse. They're attractive, but more or less obstacles when it gets down to it. Imagining the difficulties, Bianca hypothesized that it would require "a lot of right angles." If you think about it (which I don't blame you if you don't want to), she's correct.

Anyway, I want to thank that inappropriately dancing couple for leading us down this enlightening line of thought.