Morning Wood

Sometimes the least likely people are a wealth of sexual knowledge. Take my former minister's son, Josh, for example. When we were on church overnight retreats, he would talk a big game in the male sleeping quarters.

One night before bed, Josh told us that the most comfortable way to sleep is on your stomach. I liked stomach-sleeping, so I nodded in agreement. He then added that girls can't sleep that way because they have boobs and laying on top of them hurts. Though I had never considered this before, it seemed like a logical conclusion. Given my limited knowledge of breasts, I relished having a new fact about them, no matter how unsexy.

The guy talk didn't stop at boobs. Josh started complaining about often having something called "morning wood." Although I had never heard the expression before, I learned that it was the state of waking up with an erection. While I had noticed that my penis was often larger in the morning a disproportionate amount of time, I never knew there was a term for it. What a thorough education I was receiving!

When I woke up first the next morning, I found myself with a case of morning wood. Sharing a room with a bunch of boys, I wasn't about to do anything about it, but I was pleased to know I now had something to call it.

I left the room and found that two of the girls, Genesis and Chante, were also already awake; perhaps they tried sleeping on their stomachs and didn't get a good night's sleep. Particularly since I now had a name for my situation, I was highly conscious of my persisting morning wood that was visible in my sweatpants. Embarrassed, I grabbed a Scrabble box and held it over my crotch in what I hoped was an inconspicuous manner.

"Did you want to play Scrabble?" Genesis asked. That hadn't been my aim at that moment, but I didn't want to blow my cover, so I agreed. The three of us sat down on the floor and as soon as I took the box's top off, I placed it on my lap to continue covering myself.

At some point during the non-competitive game, Chante played the word "WOOD," which prompted the girls to laugh. I was mostly uncomfortable with the coincidence, however. Surely they didn't know what was occurring under the box. Surely they didn't think twice about the boy with the lid inexplicably resting over his groin. Surely they had no clue.

But maybe they did. Who knows what the choir director's daughter was teaching the girls over in their cabin?