Mole Station

While having a conversation with a friend about celebrity couples with large age discrepancies, we disagreed over whether we would enter a relationship with someone of a radically different age. I couldn't see myself doing it, but my friend wouldn't rule it out for herself.

"Love is love. I don't think age should matter. I could find love with someone way older than me," she said. "Like they say, age ain't nothing but a number."
"You sound like someone who's been molested," I joked.
"Actually... I was," she confessed.
"I, uh, uh, really?" I stuttered.
"Yeah," she said. In response, I made nine million facial expressions at once.
"Awkward," said a third friend, present in the room, who had incidentally been privy to the secret.

I had known and been close to her for years, but this was a new revelation. I would have never guessed, which just goes to show that I am walking a dangerous line when I make offensive jokes to people because I figure it won't actually hit close to home. I tend to assume that my current friends had common childhood experiences: playing Little League, coloring books, watching Ninja Turtles, and not being molested. I mean, I know it happens to some kids, but it didn't happen to me, and I'd like to think I was cute enough at that age!

Anyway, starting now, I'm probably going to lay off the molestation jokes for fear of repeating that mistake. Just because people aren't actively twitching in their twenties from the effects of sexual abuse doesn't mean it didn't happen.

That said, I do have a molestation joke idol, Tig Notaro. She manages to address the subject matter in a hilarious yet inoffensive manner. I'm taking notes and I recommend you do the same: