Benjamin Button Blows: My Oscar Predictions

The Oscars are tomorrow, which means it's time for me to mentally prepare to watch all the wrong people win awards. I've made it a point to actually see almost every nominated film this past year, so my griping will be even more justifiable than usual.

Rather than waiting to be pissed off, I'm going to review the nominees in some of the big categories and give you my opinions, because it's my blog, and that's what I want to do, darnit. In each category, I put the nominees in order of my preference, then underline the one I think will win.

I'm also including this still from Benjamin Button to make it entirely clear why the film sucks donkey scrotum and hopefully accidentally get some web traffic off of people Googling "shirtless Brad Pitt." Disappointed? Not as disappointed as I was while watching the shitty film.

Best Picture
1. Frost/Nixon: Complex and nuanced, the best of the bunch.
2. Slumdog Millionaire: It was brilliant up until the last fifteen minutes when the over-glamorized, almost insensitive ending detracted from its other merits. It'll most definitely win, though.
3. Milk: It's good, but it's not outstanding.
4. The Reader: While I found the second half of The Reader compelling when the characters grabbled with issues of morality, I can't say the first half of the film when they just have a lot of sex and read books. Sure, Kate Winslet is naked, but we've already seen that in Hamlet, Titanic, Quills, Iris, and Little Children.
5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: It has the most nominations, though I'm not sure why, as it is one of the most boring films of the year. It's three hours of a gimmick without a plot to accompany it.
Should have been nominated: Doubt: All factors considered, this is the best film of the year. It captivated me.

Lead Actor
1. Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon: He brings Nixon alive while offering up just enough humanity to counter his asshole nature.
2. Richard Jenkins, The Visitor: A good showing by a consistent actor.
3. Sean Penn, Milk: Am I the only one who thinks Penn turns Harvey Milk seem more like a caricature than a human?
4. Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler: If Rourke was "born" to play this role, it's only because he's talentless, washed up, and not deserving of praise. I don't buy into this movie's hype or see
5. Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Snooze. He might have gotten younger, but I sure felt like I had gotten older over the course of watching him.
Should have been nominated: Leonardo DiCaprio, Revolutionary Road: I've never really fallen for his charms in his early career, but this performance was complex.

Lead Actress
1. Meryl Streep, Doubt: I've never even been a committed Streep fan, but this is one hell of a dynamic performance, and it's made me a convert.
2. Melissa Leo, Frozen River: Rourke could take some hints from Leo on how to play a poverty-striken character filled with inner-turmoil. This role I bought.
3. Angelina Jolie, Changeling: I like this film and I like her performance. It's heavy on the theatrics, but the script justifiably calls for it.
4. Kate Winslet, The Reader: Don't get me wrong, I find Winslet immensely talented and think she deserves her due, but this role is not the one she finally deserves raves for, even though it probably will win her the trophy.
5. Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married: While I enjoyed this film, I'm not particularly impressed by Hathaway's performance. Even though the script gives her a wealth of Oscar-cliche moments to work with, she's not believable with it, and many of the ensemble characters made even more of their parts.
Should have been nominated: Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road: Forget The Reader, the Golden Globes got it right -- Winslet is terrific in this role. The only performance that could rival Streep; you've got to see this film.

Supporting Actor
1. Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight: I'd be prepared to deny the dead guy his due if I felt he hadn't earned it; heck, I actively disliked his work in Brokeback Mountain. That said Ledger legitimately scared me silly with this performance and I think, whatever the voters' motives, this'll be the winner and it'll be the right one.
2. Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road: He's crazy but he speaks the truth! This role is over-the-top, but unforgettable.
3. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt: I love this film, but I'd argue that all three females outshine him in their respective parts.
4. Josh Brolin, Milk: Meh, I didn't notice anything special about this performance.
5. Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder: Blackface aside, I'm not sure what's worth mentioning about this role or film in general. The Oscars notoriously snub comedies, then grant an exception in this particular case? Undeserved.
Should have been nominated: Brad Pitt, Burn After Reading: I've never enjoyed a Brad Pitt performance more. If you want to acknowledge Pitt and comedy, they should have recognized this hilarious role.

Supporting Actress
1. Viola Davis, Doubt: It's a small role, but it packs an unforgettable punch.
2. Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona: I'd have a hard time explaining why, but I thoroughly enjoy this film, and Cruz acts the shit out of this bizarre role.
3. Amy Adams, Doubt: Adams does a good job, but can't really compete with the range Davis was called upon to demonstrate.
4. Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler: While Tomei is a bright (and often naked) spot in this overrated film, she's already won for a role that wasn't that that awesome.
5. Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Why?! I can't recall a single standout moment for her.
Should have been nominated: Rebecca Hall, Vicky Cristina Barcelona: Though a very different performance than Cruz's this role was also fleshed out and relatable.

Director
1. Gus Van Sant, Milk: This movie was finely crafted, and you've got to give the director credit for that.
2. Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire: Though he will likely win, it could have been his call to clean up the ending.
3. Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon: Though I prefer this film overall, I attribute this mainly to the acting and writing, not the directing.
4. Stephen Daldry, The Reader: A good director shouldn't leave his audience bored for long periods of time - particularly during the sex scenes.
5. David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: A good director shouldn't have made this film.
Should have been nominated: Woody Allen, Vicky Cristina Barcelona: He made an enjoyable film out of some pretty strange parts.

Adapted Screenplay
1. Doubt: This film packs a punch, thanks mainly to its finely crafted dialogue.
2. Frost/Nixon: I suppose it's not a surprise that the top two are based on theatrical scripts.
3. Slumdog Millionaire: I can't ultimately be on board a screenplay that relies upon a deus ex machina.
4. The Reader: Should have been shaken down to the heart of the story rather than prolonging the first portion.
5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Was there more to the script than Brad Pitt aging in reverse?
Should have been nominated: Revolutionary Road: A stellar film based upon a novel.

Original Screenplay
1. Frozen River: Certainly the best original story of the year.
2. Milk: A good-runner up for this prize.
3. Happy-Go-Lucky: This one should go last, considering it is largely improvised. How, then, is the screenplay nominated, anyway? But I dislike the other two films even more...
4. WALL-E: There's almost no dialogue in this film. What does the screenplay feature, then? Another bad choice.
5. In Bruges: Not entertaining. It's not funny, compelling, or well-acted. I don't understand its popularity whatsoever.
Should have been nominated: Vicky Cristina Barcelona: I can't help but like it.

Other categories
Animated: I've only seen WALL-E and hated it (I know I'm the only one in America that feels that way, but it's boring), so I don't much care.
Documentaries: I haven't seen any of them, but I'm sad to see neither Young at Heart and Praying with Lior in the running. Both of those are in my top ten films (not just documentaries) of the year.
Various technical awards: Anything but Button, please.

Come back soon to see my report on how the Oscars went down. That is, unless they're horribly boring (which is highly likely) in which case I might not comment at all. But I will make it up to you by posting a humiliating story that demonstrates what a dumbass I am. And really, that's way better, isn't it?