A Month of Movies

I've mentioned previously that I have an aversion to going to the movie theater. When I do go, I prefer to see artsy or meaningful flicks rather than the blockbusters to which everyone else flocks. In the past month, however, I've behaved out of character and seen three mainstream, action/sci-fi films.

First up: Hellboy 2, which I had no interest in seeing. "It's way better than the first one," someone assured me, even though that comment meant nothing to me due to a lack of context. Granted, if Hellboy were an angsty coming-of-age film or a teenage adaption of Paradise Lost, I'd be in without hesitation. Seeing this flick, however, required a lot of peer pressure on my friends part, and I'm ashamed to admit I caved. Thank goodness I was only pressured to see a film and not do heroin; then again, with heroin I would have at least had a good time as the travesty unfolded.

There was only one preview, so when the film began and I saw a little demon child on the screen, I asked my friends, "What is that?" "That's Hellboy!" they told me as if I were stupid. I'm not sure that my confusion makes me stupid, but it did illustrate how little I knew about the film. Perhaps if I had known a little more, I would have had the information necessary to resist having to see it.

I was so disinterested in the flick, I got out of the car at the drive-in, and laid on the pavement to try and take a nap. To be direct, I was dozing atop a rough surface with my face on discarded, hardened gum and it was still preferable to staying alert through Hellboy 2. Besides, I figured if I was committing to a hellish experience, I might as well fully commit.

My biggest gripe is the story line. I found myself agreeing with the so-called villains and rooting against our protagonist Hellboy. The "villains" were leading a campaign to stop the human race from carelessly causing the extinction of other species. Hellboy, however, was aligned with the humans and aided in killing all non-human creatures in order to allow human survival and perpetuate their careless ways. So Hellboy is a traitor to his mutant kind, but that's okay, because humans are supreme beings that deserve to have all other creatures die in their wake. It doesn't matter that the humans prove they will turn on Hellboy in a second, Hellboy thanklessly keeps them safe. Now, I recognize that humans are the audience of this film, so it's best not to vilify them, particularly not in the context of a blockbuster, but I have trouble understanding why a writer would attempt to address this heady environmental issue if only to manipulate the message into utter crap.

Also, I have to agree with Terri's (pssst: Terri is blogging now) feminist perspective. All of the film's superheroes are cool and crazy looking, aside from Selma Blair's character who looks just like every busty woman character ever in a film. True to her super power, she catches on fire occasionally, but not so intensely that it clouds the view of her boobs. Also, rather than being permitted to be a real hero, she's regulated to being Hellboy's love interest. Just when Hellboy is about to give up hope in his mission, Selma saves the day. Not through a feat of brawn or brains, but by revealing that she's pregnant, a revelation that consequently gives Hellboy the motivation to continue. At the end of the film, we learn that her main super power is being super fertile: Surprise! She's having twins! Hooray for demon spawns!

The second film was The X-Files: I Want to Believe. I was a fan of the television series a decade ago, so I was eager to see it. A couple of weeks prior to the film's release, I even asked Michael if ey knew anything about this movie that was supposedly "in the works" for ten years or so. Having heard nothing, I had no idea that it was actually coming out anytime soon. Then, I saw a TV commercial advertising the premiere just two days later and was shocked. How come I hadn't heard anything prior to now? I figured that The X-Files has always been an enigma, so it shouldn't come as a surprise.

Curious, I immediately went to look up the film's synopsis. I wanted to know whether it would be necessary to re-watch the first film first to remember where we last left off. The synopsis read as follows: "A crew of miniature aliens operate a spaceship that has a human form. While trying to save their planet, the aliens encounter a new problem, as their ship becomes smitten with an Earth woman."

I was baffled. That sounds like Hollywood crap, not mysterious, offbeat X-Files. As it turned out, I had accidentally read the synopsis for Meet Dave, one of those movies that stars Eddie Murphy playing nineteen characters instead. Note to self: skip Meet Dave.

On its opening night, Michael Michael and I made plans to go see the X-Files. Ey scoped out times at several theaters, and we ultimately chose the 8:10 screening at the cheapest one. We arrived at 8:05 and I commented that we made it just in time. Michael insisted that for an 8:10 showing, we were actually early, factoring in the previews. Ey ordered a ticket for the 8:10 show and then I requested the same after em. While receiving my ticket, I looked at the marquee and saw a 7:40 show, but not an 8:10. The next time listed was 10, so I thought, "oh, they must have ran out of eights, so they just put the 10."

We dawdled at the concession stand before finally entering our theater, surprised to discover the movie had already started. Maybe this place shows their previews before the actual show time? we whispered. We figured we had missed five minutes tops, so we'd catch up quickly. I wasn't sure what was happening in the movie exactly, but it's the X-Files, so when have I ever understood what was going on?

The film was suspenseful at points, but boring. If it weren't for the fact that it resurrected familiar characters, I'm sure it would have been universally panned. The story line was - I'll say it - dumb. I felt cheated: I waited ten years for that? Perhaps I should commend the film like Michael did for not going overboard like you might expect a film in its position to do, but it was severely underwhelming.

At the end of the film, Michael checked the time and commented at how quickly the film was over. Then ey checked the ticket stub and noticed that the film's start time was marked as 7:40. In other words, we missed the first half hour and hadn't really noticed. Whoops. At this point, I'd like to add to my disappointed review that maybe the first half hour is amazing and makes a difference in the viewing experience. At any rate, the truth is out there.

The last film was The Dark Knight. I heard lots of positive feedback about it from, well, the world at large, but I was in no rush to see it, to the point that I had to be coaxed into it. I cited Hellboy 2 as precedence for not seeing it, but in this case, I'm glad I didn't listen to my gut. I'm not a superhero action movie kind of person, so I wasn't expecting to enjoy it, but to my surprise I loved it. The Dark Knight has what most films in its genre do not: a good script. Visuals and fight sequences can only take you so far, but when you pack it with a solid plot, dialogue, and themes, then you can still create a stupendous movie. Take note, ... well, just about everyone in the biz.

Truthfully, I think Christian Bale's kind of a dud, but Aaron Eckhart is talented and actually had the lead role over Batman if you factor in screen time. Additionally, Heath Ledger was wonderfully frightening. Sure, I heard people gush over his performance, but I didn't believe it until I saw it for myself. I assumed people were resorting to hyperbole as a nice gesture after Ledger's death. The only way Ledger could play the role more creepily would be if they dug him up and had his corpse reprise the role in the sequel.

In summation:
Hellboy 2: Hell no.
X-Files: The entertainment is as elusive as its start time.
The Dark Knight: Dark and Right.