Given my students' initial protests of how they "just know" they will hate it, I've been apprehensive to teach Romeo and Juliet. Truthfully, I haven't looked at the text since I read it my freshmen year of high school, so I forgot how dirty the opening scene is. In fact, I'm not sure I ever realized how dirty the opening scene is. Though I read almost no Shakespeare in college, my years of perversion, however, have given me the wisdom to read the bawdy lines as Shakespeare intended.
While the textbook is very good at annotating the language in the margins, it conspicuously offers no explanation of the dirty parts. As I lesson planned, I realized that if I were to brush over the opening without giving an indication of what was actually being said, I would be losing the kids from the beginning, having them assume the play made no sense when, in fact, the humor was right up their alley. For this reason, I made the decision to go for the gusto, and, perhaps against better judgment, connect the dots for the students. I prefaced the lesson with an explanation of the Groundlings and the concept of comic relief in drama. I had students volunteer to read the parts aloud as I interrupted periodically to give my two cents - the filthiest two cents I could muster.
ACT 1 SCENE I. Verona. A public place.
Enter SAMPSON and GREGORY, of the house of Capulet, armed with swords and bucklers
SAMPSON Gregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals.
GREGORY No, for then we should be colliers.
SAMPSON I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw.
GREGORY Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar.
Here we discuss the use of puns.
SAMPSON I strike quickly, being moved.
GREGORY But thou art not quickly moved to strike.
More puns
SAMPSON A dog of the house of Montague moves me.
I clue the kids in that the character is not speaking about an actual a dog, but a woman. I ask, "When might you hear a young guy refer to a woman as a dog?" "When she's ugly?" comes the reply. "Maybe. I mean more so as disrespectful, a bad word one might use." After I receive no answers, I add, "Like ... a bitch." "Oh!" comes the cry from the class, with many snickers.
GREGORY To move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand: therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away.
SAMPSON A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's.
GREGORY That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes to the wall.
SAMPSON True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels, are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids to the wall.
By now, the students have become confused again. “Why might the women be thrust against the wall?” Blank stares. “Do I need to act this out for you? Thrusting them against them wall…” I start to make a suggestive movement, but catch myself. Fortunately, I had gone far enough, as the filthy light bulbs were clearly going off over their heads.
GREGORY The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.
SAMPSON 'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the maids, and cut off their heads.
GREGORY The heads of the maids?
SAMPSON Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads; take it in what sense thou wilt.
Here, I had to clarify that maidenhead means virginity; by now, that kids were fully engrossed
GREGORY They must take it in sense that feel it.
“Wait, they must take it and feel it?” a kid shouts. “That’s what’s being said, right?” I reply. I see two kids actually high five.
SAMPSON Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and 'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.
“Does that mean he thinks he’s hot?” a student asks. “Yes, he fancies himself a stud,” I answer. “But ‘pretty piece of flesh’ indicates something else, too. What specific piece of flesh do you think he might be bragging about?” “His…” no one actually says it, but the laughter indicates comprehension.
GREGORY 'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool! here comes two of the house of the Montagues.
“When he says ‘tool,’ does he also mean…?” I answer in the affirmative, proud to see perverted minds at work. Then I explain what a phallic symbol is, much to my students wonderment.
SAMPSON My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee.
Now getting the penis joke, seeing the word naked used to enhance the pun excites the students.
At any rate, the students love it. By highlighting the sexual innuendos, they’re actually excited to continue reading the text, as well as scouring it for deeper meaning in order to find the grosser comments. Thankfully, Shakespeare keeps the anatomy jokes coming (I didn’t intend to make a pun there myself) two scenes later with the nurse’s penchant for discussing the finer points of breastfeeding and again later with Mercutio’s admittedly pointless Queen Mab speech. It's all in the name of education, you see.
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