This Is Why I'm Hot

Last week, I lost my cellphone at an amusement park. I was optimistic that the fine folks at Six Flags would recover my phone, expecting it to have fallen out of my shorts on an upside down loop on a roller coaster. Alas, by the next day, my service provider disclosed to me that my phone was actively being used, meaning whoever found it was not intending to give it back.

I did my best not to panic. Generally, a phone is no more than a phone to me, but I had become attached to my recent phone not for the phone itself, but for the ringtone I purchased, "Africa" by Toto. Each time the phone rang, I got excited and delayed answering it until the song nearly reached its conclusion. After several months, I still never tired of the song. My friends and I would dance/sing to the ring on a daily basis. Losing this song was devastating.

At any rate I needed a new phone. If you're buying a phone outside of the specified time designated by your contract, it's crazy expensive. As I tried to figure out how to handle this situation without losing a couple hundred of dollars, Michael Michael offered up the fact that his coworker had an extra cellphone and if I wanted it, I could take it, with the one stipulation being if ey were to lose eir new one, ey would need it back.

I'm thinking, great, seems like quite a deal. Throughout the cellphone-owning portion of my life, I have always had a pretty standard grey phone that was behind the times. Frankly, it was probably all I could handle. So imagine my surprise when Michael Michael brings home this phone:



Ohmguh. It's lime green. Technically it's called "mint chocolate" (mint being the color, chocolate being the make of the phone), which sounds like food, not a phone. I hate it. Don't get me wrong, I'm appreciative of the gesture of Michael Michael's coworker, but Mint Chocolate is not for me. It looks like something a teenage girl would own and whip out to gossip to her friends with at the mall.

Though I lost "Africa," the phone did come with its own exciting ringtone, "This Is Why I'm Hot":

Even before receiving this phone, the song "This Is Why I'm Hot" has been a house joke. For the reason, look no further than the lyrics:

This is why I'm hot
This is why I'm hot
This is why
This is why
This is why I'm hot
I'm hot 'cause I'm fly
You ain't 'cause you not
This is why
This is why I'm hot

It is a persuasive case, huh? The song is 100% ridiculous. And it is my ringtone. It's my cheap, headed-nowhere, meaningless fling with a song after losing my longtime love song, "Africa." It's embarrassing, but I figure when I have a phone that looks so absurd, I might as well go all the way with the ringtone as well. Most of the time, I find it funny, and I feel comfortable enough with my friends to just laugh at it whenever it rings. There are other situations, however, when I am not comfortable. The song goes off and I feel dumb. Moreover, depending on my company, I'm embarrassed to even take my phone out of my pocket, as it projects an image of me as some kind of faux-trendy poser. 95% of the time that's something I don't care about, but there are times when I'm just not up for being fearless and I "step out" to conceal my phone's appearance.

I can't decide how committed I am to this joke; as soon as I accidentally leave my phone on at school, I will probably regret my decision to have an "ironic" cellphone situation, since most people won't understand.

Michael Michael understands, though. Anytime he feels like hearing the song and laughing, he merely dials me up and watches me scurry for my phone. I'm totally setting myself up by admitting this, but if you ever want to embarrass me, just give me a call.