Baby Jesus Piñata

Yesterday, I attempted to reach out with good will to Jewish people this Christmas. Upon further reflection, I take it all back.

For my recent Christmas party, I made a baby Jesus piñata because that is a popular Mexican tradition. (Which is to say that Mexicans play with piñatas on Christmas, not that they beat the crap out of Jesus, you racists.) Really, I just wanted to paper mache something, as I haven't done that since I was in elementary school, so making a baby Jesus piñata seemed like a perfect (if not blasphemous) party game!

Anyway, with conflicted hearts, Allison and I had also invited several Jewish people to our Christmas party, assuming they would be on their best behavior. But shortly after hanging little Jesus from the ceiling, Jenna (Jewish!) approached the little guy and trouble followed.

Immediately, Jesus's leg fell off. Jenna claimed she didn't really touch the piñata, which I took as an insult to my shoddy craftsmanship - we can't all be a skilled carpenter like Jesus.

Staring at the dismembered Jesus, however, I knew the truth. It must be as genetic as Tay-Sachs: when Jewish people see Jesus, they can't help but attack. Jews have an innate trait to destroy Christ at any cost, and Jenna was helpless but to fulfill what was ingrained in her.

Fortunately, she didn't foul up our game entirely. Later in the night we burst open the baby's body and candy flowed from him like the love that God hath promised. We feasted from it as if it were a communion ritual.

But lesson learned: no Semites at next year's Christmas party. Clearly, you can't trust them not to kill Our Lord and Savior. Happy Birthday Eve, Jesus.

1 comment:

Ted said...

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