On Thursday, I went hydrobiking in Long Beach. What's hydrobiking, you ask? Well I didn't know either until I showed up. I have a tendency to agree to do things that sound funny. This video will show you the gist:

And that's exactly how I rode it. Minus a lifejacket, since I'm a risk-taker. Considering that I just told you I went hydrobiking, you probably already knew that.

But truthfully, hydrobiking is kinda pointless. You know all of those times you've said, "I really like cycling, and I really like being on the ocean, but I never have enough time for both!"? No? Of course you haven't. Granted, it's a decent workout since you have to pedal hard to fight the water resistance, but if the point of exercise is ultimately to look good and feel good about yourself, riding on this dorky contraption immediately fails you on both counts.

Plus, it was a wasted opportunity. If I could do it all over again, I would have tried harder to make friends with the people who were on legitimate, large, motorized boats because... well because who doesn't benefit when they have a friend with a boat? People say smoking is a dumb, expensive habit. False! Owning a boat is a dumb, expensive habit. But I would like to have a friend with a boat addiction so that I can sneak a drag periodically. On the other hand, if you own a hydrobike, let's not be friends.

I tease hydrobiking, but I still had a reasonably fun time. If nothing else, it offered an authentic cycling experience. By which I mean that the seat did a number on my genitals - just like a real bike seat! It's three days later and my taint is still raw. They can construct a bicycle that floats on water, yet they can't redesign a seat to be crotch-friendly.

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