Have you met Sailor Jerry? He is like Captain Morgan, but less elitist and pretentious. He is the common man who doesn't need a fancy title to do a good job. He is an adequate bottle of rum. A while back, I placed Sailor Jerry in a high cabinet since he only comes out for special occasions anyway. Such a night finally arrived, so I climbed on the counter and placed the bottle atop the refrigerator. Soon after, I encouraged Stacy to get some ice from the freezer; when she opened the door, it caused Sailor Jerry to fall off the edge and shatter on the ground into a sticky, glass-shardy mess.
Stacy's feet were soaked, but Sailor Jerry suffered a worse fate.
Sailor Jerry is dead in the water.
Sailor Jerry is lost at sea.
Sailor Jerry went down with his ship.
Sailor Jerry was forced to walk the plank.
Sailor Jerry went to a watery grave.
Sailor Jerry is sleeping with the fishes.
Sailor Jerry met a fate worse than scurvy.
Poor Sailor Jerry. We mopped the deck to clear his remains. It's not your fault, Jerry, it's mine. Though you came across as common and mediocre, you were still too classy for me. I'm not responsible enough to purchase alcohol in glass bottles; plastic bottles from here on out.
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