Dear [Principal],
I heard the about the problem with trying to find a speaker to read a speech for the student body of [high school]. Lucky for you I have great idea on who this person should be. its a great idea except for the fact that this person is dead. To me it only makes sense if you actually have [deceased former first lady for whom the school is named after] speak infront of the school.
The idea is great but now we have a new problem. We will have to go back in time to get her. We also have a lot more problems like if she doesn't want to do it or if we mess something up in the past that will effect the future. The biggest problem, however, is how we are going back in time. I think, wrather than just spend billions of dollars and be in debt for years, we hire scientist, extend the contract for the construction workers outside, and buy the parts seperatly. I'm sure the money we spend won't be nearly as much as just buying the time machine alone.
The very last problem will probably not be as hard as the ones before but will still be hard nonetheless: who will sacrifice themself to test the machine. I say we have a dare devil do it so they won't ask for as much as a regular person.
If my plan does not suit your needs, you can always go with Kobe Bryant. he is the best athlete from from southern California. Good luck with that!
Sincerely,
[student name - one of the twins]
2008-07-15
Resurrection
I'm dragging another student essay out of the vault. This one is by a student addressing a prompt which asks for a persuasive letter aiming to convince the principal who to select as a guest speaker for a school assembly. (This is the same prompt which inspired a student who infamously suggested Helen Keller because "Helen Keller shows us even if your blind, def. and retarded, you still can succed.") Though it doesn't remotely follow persuasive form, it is ludicrous enough to be hilarious. Rather than supporting eir idea with suggestions, the student attempts to preemptively problem solve. I'm also a fan of conclusion paragraphs that dismantle the preceding arguments. As always, all grammatical errors are the student's own, as I am too perfect for typos.
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2 comments:
if all the grammar and spelling errors were missing - or even if there were just fewer of them - i would find this student to be a comedic genius. but i'm guessing this was all just stupidity... the kobe bryant closing is perfect.
There's a fine line between genius and stupidity, and this kid always walked it. Though he was always funny, he was often unintentionally so. I initially read this essay as a gag, but then he was thoroughly disappointed when he failed and swore he thought he did a good job. So I'm just not sure.
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