Earthquake

Though I've always been fascinated by natural disasters and earthquakes, in all my years on the east coast, I never experienced one. Hence, I moved to California. All right, not hence, but I was excited at the prospect of finally feeling one. After moving to California, on a few occasions, the ground shook from minor quakes, but I was either asleep or in such structurally sound buildings (boo!) that I didn't even detect them. Oh, how I wanted to punch the braggarts who would approach me and excitedly ask, "Did you feel the earthquake last night?"

The first time I felt an earthquake was three years ago, although I didn't correctly identify it at the time. For several seconds, the walls of my cubicle shook, prompting me to say, "Who's doing that?" At that office, the atmosphere was jovial, so I assumed that my coworker was playing a prank on me. Then the general office chatter turned to "Did you feel that?" "Wow, an earthquake!" Not being entirely daft, I quickly pieced together what had actually happened.

While a life goal had been fulfilled, I felt cheated since I had to have someone explain that it actually occurred. Fortunately, I had my chance to improve upon my previous experience yesterday when THE BIG ONE hit.

Yesterday, at about a quarter to noon, a loud, presumably low-flying plane was audible outside my window, disrupting my reading. I did my best to ignore it, but then I jerked at a large thud against the ground and was jostled by the shaking that followed. My thought was that a helicopter landed, crashed, or crash landed just outside my house and the subsequent shaking was the result of a whirring propeller. Pulling aside the blinds, I looked out the window to witness the calamity, only to then have it register that it was an earthquake. As if on cue, at the moment of my enlightenment, the shaking stopped.

My previous lack of experience with earthquakes is detrimental: How am I ever supposed to enjoy one if I can't recognize that is happening in the first place? For crying out loud, I'm so naive that I figured that there was a helicopter crash rather than an earthquake! Moreover, if I can recognize an emergency situation as it unfolds, my chances of survival aren't too good. I didn't take cover, I didn't flee, I just meandered and enjoyed the vibrations.

Since the dogs were barking uncontrollably, I went to console them. Darby, a paranoid pup even before this incident, fearfully looked deep into my eyes and howled as if the world were ending. I took Darby outside where ey took the biggest poop I've ever seen a dog of his size create. I guess that's one reasonable reaction.

I proceeded to survey the house and pick up items that had fallen in the "devastation." Several, and I mean several small objects fell off of shelves and a few potted plants tipped over and spilled dirt. I spent a good ten minutes tidying up after this disaster. Oh, the devastation. Michael's room looked like an earthquake had trashed everything, but I'm pretty sure it appeared that way before the earthquake, too.

I received some phone calls of concern which was kind. From what I gathered, the national media was blowing the event out of proportion. In California, a 5.4 tremor is a nuisance, not a tragedy. At Jessica's recommendation, I put on the news (of the local variety as I do not have cable) and witnessed the ridiculous display. There was nothing to report: not one significant injury and just a couple of isolated incidents of insignificant damage. The footage featured people who pointlessly evacuated their office, and fallen bottles of shampoo on the ground of grocery stores. In other words, frightening images. The shows also screened interviews of locals who gave their accounts of the earthquake, each one more theatrical than the first. I thought one person was going overboard with exaggeration when ey described the quake as lasting a minute. Being quite close to the epicenter, I'd say ten seconds, tops. Then a person comes on claiming the earthquake lasted "about five minutes." Who is ey kidding? They look nearly as ridiculous as the newscasters trying to stir up a story with nothing legitimate to report.

When the real big one strikes, I hope I figure out what's going on before I'm dead.