Happy Easter

Happy Easter! It's a special day; there's a sticker on my shirt that reads, Somebunny loves you! That somebunny is Jesus, by the by.

This morning, I went with Amber and Shea to brunch and got myself some Easter ham. Mmm, ham. Later, I played basketball, which is totally the Easter bunny's favorite sport. You know, because it's BASKETball. Get it? I just made it up. I'm witty like that, peeps.

My real Easter celebration started last night. A group of us ate pizza, drank, and watched NCAA Easter basketball (the joke's even funnier the second time, right? That's why I resurrected it!) until there were no more games to be watched, at which point we got to dyeing eggs. I love the natural transition between sports to crafts and love even more that I have friends who are down to dabble in both, as well.

Egg dyeing-for-your-sins was a hoot. We bought two dye kits, Jazzy Jewels and Glamour Eggs, so we had the tools to make some unconventionally posh eggs. With stickers, jewels, beads, foil, feathers, and even mesh fabric, how could we go wrong. We had sixteen dye tablets, which required as many mugs, meaning we had to do a whole dishwasher load just to clean up afterwards. There were so many color-filled cups, that while trying to find a suitable tint for my next egg, I erroneously dipped into my whiskey and cola beverage. I didn't even immediately recognize the accident; after pulling it out and noticing the color was faint and murky, I asked, "What color is this?!"

Already, Shea has eaten some of the eggs (which he deemed the uglier ones -- should I take it personally that my favorite one is missing?) and other people took theirs to give to loved ones, but I've taken some photos of the survivors to Babble about.


I did this one in honor of my recent trip to Vegas. It's supposed to be a show girl, but admittedly looks more like a gypsy fortuneteller. All eggs should wear feather boas.


Amy then had to show me up with a Vegas show girl of eir own. Fine, it's better. No one cares. Go home, twelve-year-old!


On this one, I rocked the gems to the extreme. Bling bling!


Kirsten put the mesh to work to make a bride, which accidentally turned into a clown bride. Everyone's getting married these days.


When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, but when life hands Kirsten an egg with a hole in it, she turns it into a vagina. I'm afraid that the photo doesn't do justice to the nuanced mastery of the manicured pubic hair.


On the back of the dye kit, there are small circles you can pop out to let the eggs dry in the resulting holes in the box. Though this detail seems mundane and unimportant, there was one circle that contained an offensive message. It can't just be a coincidence that the Jazzy Jewels Easter egg kit had a removable circle that left the words "AZZ JEW." Obviously, I was appalled by the evident underhanded bigotry, so appalled that I decided to use it to create an anti-Semitic egg. I glued "AZZ JEW" on one side and wrote "You Killed Jesus" on the other with a crossed out Star of David. It was offensive, or would have been had it come out well instead of a muddy, illegible mess. I guess that I can't be disappointed by my anti-Semitic egg's utter failure... as Jenna pointed out, "God works in mysterious ways."


Meanwhile, Jenna, a card-carrying azz jew, retaliated with an anti-Easter egg, portraying the bunny as a devil. Well played.



Even better, however, was Jenna's pro-Semitic egg which on one side had Matzah and the other portrayed a household with blood smeared around the doorway to indicate that eir life should be spared. It just might be the best egg I've ever seen.

After dyeing, we tried to think of a film to watch. Some genius minds thought of having a zombie movie marathon since Jesus is the first undead, the OG zombie. Sure, it's kind of distasteful, but it couldn't taste any worse than BRAINS. Even the symbolically cannibalistic ritual of communion seems like a reference to Christ-Zombie. As it turns out, although it's topical, none of us are interested enough in zombie movies to follow through, so we rented The Exorcist instead. It was religiously-oriented, but overall a trite piece of crucifiction.

Easter? I'd rather West Her!