Curing Deafness with Alternative Medicine

I lost the hearing in my left ear last week. I think it was the consequence of things backing up because of this sinus infection I've been fighting. It was really poor timing because I was about to leave for a trip to catch up with some old friends in San Francisco. I thought it might be a sign to just stay home, but I decided to leave anyway. 

On the drive up, just fifteen minutes from my house, I blew a tire. AAA got me to an auto repair shop, and the mechanic was like, "You must have hit something," showing me some damage to not just the tire, but the underside of my vehicle. "I didn't see anything on the freeway," I explained. "Well you definitely would have heard something," he responded.  I didn't feel like getting into the fact that since I could currently barely hear, I had turned the music up so loud that it was possible I might not have heard whatever I hit either.

Somehow, I decided not to take my broken car as a sign to abandon the trip either. Hours later, I finally arrived and, let me say, it's weird to try to catch up with people you haven't seen in over a year when you can only sort of hear them. I pretended to understand a lot more than I did, and did my best to stand or sit to their left side to have my 

At night, my yoga loving friend suggested I purchase an ear candle to try to regain my hearing. We were waiting for a bus and I asked where we would even find such a thing at this time of night. She pointed to the nearest corner store, and I followed her with a whole, "Yeah right," attitude.

Amazingly, she was right - they DO sell novelty alternative health items like ear candles at a random corner store in San Fran. The employee knew right where they were, even. I should have been so doubtful, as San Francisco is a totally different culture. Earlier in the day, we stopped into a bodega, a 7-11 type store for the bohemian set, and it had organic produce. Convenience stores in Los Angeles don't sell any fruits and vegetables, let alone organic. Then I spied flaxseed waffles in the freezer section, and I wondered aloud - probably unduly loud so I could hear myself - "What IS this place?"

I'm not sure how I feel about ear candles. First of all, the box said the candle was "for entertainment purposes only" and that the company was not liable for anyone who decided to use the candle in ways not typical of a normal candle, which made me feel really confident about the process. But putting a giant candle in your ear is pretty entertaining, so I guess I was still abiding by that rule.

It made my ear tingle and my face heat up. At the end, I think it kind of worked? It definitely drew some waxy residue out. I was still hearing impaired for a few more days, though.

Now, my hearing is back, but I'm even more mucus-y. I bought a neti pot this evening, and I'm not sure I like that any better than an ear candle. "Shove a kettle up your nose" sounds like an act of aggression, not doctorly advice. But I'm ready to not be so sick anymore, so if setting my head on fire and nearly drowning myself with salt water are what it takes to get healthy, bring it on.