Step by Step

In the late 80s/early 90s, nothing drove the girls crazier than New Kids on the Block. Being that I'd love a little of that magic for myself, I thought I'd seek advice from them. Thankfully, they have a song called "Step by Step" that details how they woo the ladies. While I'm familiar with the tune, I've never previously paid attention to the lyrics, but this time I focused on the New Kids's list of steps, which begins at the 2:45 mark of the song.

Okay, Kids, show me how it's done! 

"STEP ONE: We can have lots of fun."

Great, but that's not exactly a step. Naming an activity that would be fun would work, but this first step is too ambiguous to be helpful.

"STEP TWO: There's so much we can do."

This is also not a step. Granted, there's plenty of things you can do, but you need to get specific for this to be a step. 

"STEP THREE: It's just you for me."

Okay, sing it in falsetto all you want, Jordan, but this is definitely not a step.

"STEP FOUR: I can give you more."

More what? And suggesting that you hypothetically could do something is, yet again, not a step.

"STEP FIVE: Don't you know that the time has arrived?"

A rhetorical question is not a step… how new are you to this block, kids?

So basically, this boy band's five step program for pulling girls is utterly useless. If people are going to rail on Alanis Morissette for not including a single ironic lyric in her famous song, they should be equally as angry at NKOTB for not knowing what a step is. In the past, I've shared two of my students awful How-To essays - How to Make a Paper Airplane & How to Make and Spend Money - but at least they attempted to give some concrete directions. The New Kids, however, would definitely get an F. They're just lucky that some people considered them cute. 

<--- Um, why was that, anyway?