People have asked me whether I did Hand Beasts again this year. The answer is yes, but they aren't quite as exciting as last year's crop, though they're still worth sharing; I just haven't been overly motivated to spend all the time required to put them up.
The concept was the same. In conjunction with our unit on The Odyssey, on the class before Thanksgiving, students would trace their hands and rather than make a turkey, they had to create a mythical HAND BEAST that had an interaction with a pre-existing mythological character. Also, because the assignment is moreso designed for my personal amusement rather than academic merit, I ask the students to draw the HAND BEAST with their non-dominant hands to give it a more childish aesthetic.
I wasn't able to be there on the day since I had an all-day meeting, so a substitute got to watch the creations unfold. Unfortunately, the substitute teacher didn't appear to enforce the non-dominant hand rule or do any sort of quality control. Allow me to share a sampling all the same.
Unnamed
"Once upon a time there was a Mexican turkey. He wanted a better life so he jumped over the border. Then a cholo tried to kill it so the turkey ate him. Now he has a cholo in his stomach."
Philipsion
A goddess got mad at a crew of sailers for disobeying her wishes, then mashed the crew together into a single monster. Various mortals have attacked this monster, nearly blinding it with swords, which is the reason Philipsion has to wear glasses.
Drasnakia
This story's all right, something about how this monster was lured by the Sirens, but rather than killing Drasnakia, they all became great friends. More importantly, the drawing is quite impressive.
Aelo
Even better than a good drawing, however, is a bad drawing. This student apparently actually listened to the requirement to draw the picture with eir non-dominant hand. It's adorably juvenile.
Bonita
Considering how superficial my kids are, it's no surprise that a reoccuring theme in this year's HAND BEASTS was appearance and its implications. Such was the case with Bonita. She was an ugly girl turned beautiful by a god. Now she has the power to turn ugly people beauitiful.
As well as Calvin Klein
"This monster is very ugly/hideous/ugly. It is sooooo hideous you can just die from this picture."
And also Beautiful Gorgeous
"This monster has a very beautiful gorgeous body but ugly face that can kill a millioun people in one look. It attracts people with it's beautiful body."
Snailtosis
It's just cute, is all.
Sharkoctus
I'm a fan of the construction of Sharkoctus: two hands are better than one. Sharkoctus and his friends kidnapped a fairy. "If they let her live she would grant them each one wish they all wished to Fly and one even wish for peanut butter!"
Karadur
Karadur "shoved his hand out to [Zuess(sic)]'s throat and took out all of Zuess instestines and smashed them all up.
Ana
"Onece there was a turkey named Ana. She was from Santa Ana, Orange County. She was down for her she always had fun wit her friends & she always pardied hard. Until one day she went to the party & got drunk. Then she went to the liquor to go buy some moore beer & a cop pulled her over! He arrested her & took her stolen car away! Thats why you should be drug free! Drug Free is the way 2 bee! God bless America."
This one is from my darling student who wanted to cut my throat. As sordid and nonsensical of a myth ey has written, I think it still explains a lot.
Turkee
"My turkey turkee is fat and he already knows that he kills people for nothing because hes sad he kills everyone that looks at him he will bit you, and his"
Alas, that's where the story ends. I was just getting into it.
Bobby
This student didn't seem to entirely grasp the concept of the assignment and wrote her account in the first person: "Bobby is my son i got marry with a monster we live in monster town i ike it but it was a big mistake get married with a mosnster." Well, at least she's learned a lesson.
Immalickyou
Immalickyou -- the name says it all, doesn't it?
Bloody Hand
"There was a monster called Bloody hand. He was 6 and he would ripe peoples hearts out and give it to his mom."
Monsthand
"Monsthand is a monster thath lives in a forest, The only thing that he does is walk." That's a pretty thrilling character trait.
Pedro, Pancho, Juanito, Chava, and Paco
"Once upon a time Pedro, Pancho, Juanito, Chava, and Paco were at a kickback and they were high so they went to a 7/11 and jacked everything in the store." And that's it. In all honesty, this is probably the most work this student has done in my class ever.
Billy Joe
This monster's myth plays out like an episode of "Cops" where the monster shoplifts and its Mom calls the police to enforce a restraining order, then there's a good old fashioned beat down with a frying pan as the scene dissolves into domestic violence until the police arrive.
Petey Paco
"This is Petey Paco. Petey Paco is the cyclops angry cousin. The reason he is red is because cyclops got all the girls and Petey Paco got mad after all the years and eventually turned red. The reason he has the yellow polka-dots is because two years ago he tried to make a serum to cure his 3 legs and make him only have 2 legs. But the serum didn't work and ended up giving him bright yellow polka-dots. The men of the village are forced to choose the ugliest women as their wife because if they don't then Petey Paco's jealousy will cause him to kill whoever was a beautiful wife."
Gobbles
And, of course, there always has to be one that is wildly inappropriate.
"One day god of sex was talking to Boner when Saggi tities came with Crazy eyes. They had ice cream with cherries. They had kat nipp And 'was doing Dirty thing Like Spex. Gross said Boner while He ate next to saggy tities, God of sex was acting weird with crazy eyes. Bonner & saggy tities maid a family, Saggy Boners."
Clearly, not a Homer in the bunch. Cluck them.
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