2.5 Beers

I recently posted about bumper stickers I used to own, but I neglected to mention this fourth bumper sticker I also purchased.

A decade ago when I left for college across the country, my sister essentially inherited my first car. I still considered it my car when I came back home, but she definitely saw it differently. She would shriek about how it was her car now and many arguments would ensue.

Finally, she marked her territory. If she were a dog, she would have pissed on the vehicle, but as a teenage girl, she did her own variation on that theme by placing a pink Tinkerbell sticker on the car. I consider myself pretty forward thinking, but I wasn't wild about riding around with a pink fairy on my rear window. 

I demanded that the sticker be removed, but my parents refused to take a side on the issue. And so Tinkerbell continued to survive -- but you can bet I wasn't clapping to make sure it happened. Consequentially, I drove to my summer job every day - a little bit humiliated - with Tinkerbell in tow.

After a while, I decided that two could play this game. While in Las Vegas, I stumbled upon a terrific bumper sticker: "CAUTION! I can go from 0 to HORNY in 2.5 BEERS". If my sister could put an embarrassing sticker on our shared car, why couldn't I? 

It was a bluff, obviously, because how would I be any less mortified to drive around in a vehicle with that thing? But my reputation for being usual worked to my benefit in this instance. My sister was dubious about my intentions to put it the sticker on our car, but also freaked out that I might actually do it. Initially, my parents found it funny, but soon my mom worried I would follow through and declared that my sister would take the Tinkerbell off the car.

It never happened, though. The "horny" bumper sticker was really just meant to illustrate a point. Besides, by then, I was barely even driving the car anymore anyway. But I do wish I knew where to locate that sticker now because I think it would be the perfect thing to put on a nemesis' car. That's right - don't piss me off. I may be pretty affectionate after 2.5 beers, but you wouldn't believe how vengeful I get after 4.