RIP Crazy, Toothless Dyke

Whoops, I caused a bit of a stir on the Internet today.

I was feeling a little nostalgic for the crazy, toothless dyke. Often people, myself included, are quick to dismiss people as crazy for various reasons, but having interacted with this woman, I can honestly say she is a bona-fide lunatic. While I think she means well and the state of her mental health isn't her fault, it still wouldn't take much to have her institutionalized.

I wanted to put a picture of Toothless Dyke on my Facebook account, but since the photos were six months old, I figured I'd spruce them up a bit so they at least seemed new to look at. Using special effects tools, I turned the photo black and white and framed it with a glow. After doing so, I realized that it kind of looked like a memorial photo. Pondering it further, I decided that it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest to learn that she was now dead, so I put some text on the photo to make it "official."

Then I posted this photo on my Facebook. Quickly it received reactions. First two people "liked" it, which I figured meant people understood the humor. But then several people expressed legitimate concern in the form of all capital letters and excessive punctuation (?!?!?!?!).

So yeah, I'm sorry if anyone got emotional over the situation. That said, if anyone I know had more than a "That's too bad... for her" reaction, I don't understand it. None of us are friends with her. We knew her as a nuisance who was off her rocker. We call her Crazy, Toothless Dyke for crying out loud, we're not even sure we know her real name.

I just felt like killing her. To clarify, Carol did nothing to upset me, I have no ill will, and sincerely wish her well. May she live a long fruitful fruity and nutty life if she is alive, which I very much doubt. However, since she is really just a mere character in our lives, an anecdotal figure from our pasts, I thought it'd be fun to have her die. You know how television shows will kill off a tertiary character for a ratings bonanza? She's getting a better sendoff posthumously than she would otherwise.

As it stands, I'll almost certainly never see or hear from her again. She calls people on her "invisible phone." Plus, we no longer live in the same area - or freeway underpass as it were - so there are no run-ins. Toothless Dyke wasn't even a regular at the bar we met her at, so even if I were to revert to my old life and habits, I'd probably never see her again. Last time I paid a visit to the lesbian karaoke bar, I had asked Bev, "Does the crazy toothless dyke come here anymore?" and Bev deadpanned, "Which one?" Touche, Bev!

So, yeah, she's dead. Call it a gut feeling. I honestly feel it's a reasonable assumption. Given her lifestyle and mental health, her days are numbered at the very least. If Darwin was even remotely accurate in his Survival of the Fittest theories... if you believe in evolution... or even Intelligent Design for that matter... the odds are stacked against Carol from every angle.

But her memory lives on. Having received many an unwanted toothless kiss and slap to my butt, I can promise that I will never forget her. Godspeed, Crazy, Toothless Dyke! You were a rare treasure! I hope they have Jack Daniels hats in heaven!

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