Snapping Turtles

Several years ago at a party, I permitted (I’m not sure whether I verbally consented, but I know I didn’t fight it) two friends to vigorously hickey both sides of my neck, leaving me looking battered. This condition was problematic because I was seeing someone at the time and wasn’t sure how to explain the situation. After I demanded some help from the hickey aggressors, the three of us brainstormed ways to explain what had happened including a rare skin disease, a mishap with a vacuum, and an attack by multiple snapping turtles. Since none of these stories seemed remotely plausible, I panicked.

Me: "What do I tell her?"
P: "Tell her the truth."
C: "So snapping turtles then?"

Of course, I was above using a lame snapping turtle excuse. Barely, though -- instead, I just avoided her for a week until the situation cleared itself up.

Have I mentioned I’m not currently in a relationship?