The Economy Is a Non-Issue

The presidential race is increasingly outrageous, particularly the developments of the past week. Both the candidates and the media seem to be focusing on one topic, and one topic only: the failing economy. Economy this, economy that… I’m ashamed at how such a NON-ISSUE has become a focal point.

I don’t care if I lose my home, I care about that time McCain couldn’t remember how many homes he owned. I’m not interested in the knowing about the Dow Jones Industrial Average going down; the only down I’d like to hear about is Palin’s Down syndrome newborn. (You know Palin’s pro-life if she kept that one.) And I couldn’t be more indifferent to this whole $700 billion spending proposal, unless that’s the amount Obama pays for his haircuts.

Don’t allow diversionary tactics like the “economic crisis” (yeah, okay…) to cause us to stray from the important subjects. We the people of America need to regain control of our media and put the issues we care most about at the forefront:

• Is Obama really black?


• The endorsements of personalities from The Hills


• McCain’s age


• What McCain would look like while wearing Palin’s glasses


• Tina Fey’s impersonation of Palin


• Palin’s hair


• Palin’s outfit during her interview with Katie Couric


• Palin’s bra size


• Palin’s beauty pageant experience


• Palin’s favorite way to eat moose


• Palin’s high score at Donkey Kong


• The shape of Palin's latest bowel movement


• Ultrasound pictures of Bristol Palin’s fetus baby


• Third party politics (Just kidding, of course.)


• Whatever it is that makes us take notice of Joe Biden

That, folks, is real politics. If I find that the candidates continue harping on finding ways to fix our economic woes, I will be so busy yawning, I probably won’t even be able to vote. Fortunately, McCain seems to be willing to halt all of his other business and single-handedly solve our economic dilemmas in a few days’ time, so ideally we’ll be back to the important issues shortly. I don’t know why no one thought to ask McCain to fix everything for us prior to now, because it would have saved us a lot of trouble and poverty. In the meantime, I’m eagerly anticipating the next time Palin discusses baby names with a foreign leader.