Seamen

Throughout grad school, I've met a lot of interesting characters; as I've discovered, there are many different types of people that become teachers. One of my favorites is Jennifer. I didn't know her well at first and my perception was that she was a responsible, hardworking goody-two-shoes. While this turned out to be fairly accurate, I didn't initially give her credit for the depth that came along with it. She's also friendly, helpful, and has dynamic relationships with her students that I could only wish for. Because she's more conservative socially, she does disproportionally becomes the butt of jokes. Sexual connotations and the like redden her face more than anyone, so it's hard to resist.

Though she's begun to frequent Margarita Mondays, Jennifer always declines margaritas, as though our conversation is intriguing enough sober. (I'm not in a position to know, but to each eir own.) Squeezing lime into eir drink, Jessica accidentally sprays Jennifer in the face with lime juice, which Jennifer protests. I try to point out the bright side: "At least you'll be attractive to pirates and seamen." "Semen?!" Jennifer spits back, offended and confused. I spell out s-e-a-m-e-n, but she doesn't see the point of it. "What does that have to do with getting sprayed by a lime?" Jessica cuts in to explain the scurvy connection, that sailors, or seamen if you will, eat limes to prevent scurvy." Emphasizing the point to Jennifer, the biology teacher, Jessica adds, "Hello, it's biology!" Jennifer deadpans, "Yeah, so is semen." Touche.

The following morning in class, a peer gives a presentation which references "Navy officers and seamen." Sitting on both sides of Jennifer, Jessica and I look right at her at the mention of the word "seamen," prompting giggling on all of our parts. To the other side of me, John inquires what is so funny. I whisper a quick explanation of Jennifer's perverted confusion the previous night. He rationalizes her confusion. "She's a single girl, it makes sense. She probably always has semen on her mind." Not missing a beat, I add, "Or in her mouth." That's pretty much the end of discreetly not paying attention to the presentation, as our heads slammed against the table in an attempt to stifle laughter. It's occasions like this one that lead me to fear that my transcript will label me as a "C"man.