That's What Heather Said

For those of you unfamiliar with "That's what she said" jokes, the quip serves as the punch line that follows an unintentionally sexually suggestive comment. For example, if someone were to ask how my paper turned out, I might say, "It ended up being longer than I thought it would be." From there, a friend might retort, "That's what she said," to indicate that my statement could be construed sexually (think penis -- as if you weren't already). The "That's what she said" phenomenon has existed in my life since high school when certain friends used it regularly. As perverted as I could be at times, I almost ashamedly admit that I didn't get it the first dozen or so times I heard it until someone explained it to me.

I've never been a big fan of the joke. Maybe if it were gender neutral (though I admit - "that's what ey said" doesn't pack the same punch), I'd get on board. One of the issues is that when someone is partial to the joke, ey tend to overuse it. Like Heather, for example: Heather likes to do it all the time. (That's what she said.) While the joke can be clever in moderation, after getting it multiple times in an hour, it no longer comes out so strongly. (Again, that's what she said.)

In an attempt to add a new layer of humor, I decided to twist the joke and use the punch line "That's what she said" exclusively after intentionally sexual comments. If someone comments, "I want to bone her," that's when I jump in with a chipper "That's what she said!" That's usually followed by no one laughing and the person explaining, "Well, duh, I meant it sexually," which makes things awkward. Since I have an awkward sense of humor, I get to laugh anyway. And really, I only care about my own satisfaction. (Say it with me now - That's what she said.)

Heather was in town last weekend. (By the way, Heather is the true identity of Reba and wants everyone to know it.) Heather didn't seem to much like my twist on eir favorite joke. Nevertheless, it didn't perturb her from making the joke many times. At first, I rolled my eyes at each desperate grab. After discussing the inner-workings of the joke at length and imbibing further, ey set to prove me wrong. Though I can no longer remember them all, there are two that stick out. (That's what he said?) When we were serving each other Cheez-Its by tossing it toward one another's mouths, after a poorly aimed toss on Heather's part, I said, "You got it in my boxers instead of my mouth." Heather jumped in with a hearty "That's what she said!" and I couldn't help but laugh. (I don't remember why I wasn't wearing pants at this point, these things just have a way of happening.) Later, when I banged into the refrigerator, something fell off the top and thumped me painfully on the head. I was about to show Heather the bump, but then realized it hadn't really swelled up yet, stating, "You can't feel it yet. Let's wait." Without hesitation, Heather shouted, "That's what she said!" I liked the fact that this time it was more so about sexual prudery and laughed again. I finally had to admit that, when done right, it was actually quite enjoyable. (Yeah, yeah... that's what she said.)

Still, it wasn't until the following night when I was fully converted. We had just ordered pizza. Impressed by each slice's size, Andrew said, "This is a whole lot of a pizza." "Don't eat it all in one place," I joked, at which Heather quickly sputtered, "That's what she said." I fake chuckled, finding a simple eating comment to be too simple of a target. Upon a few more seconds of reflection, however, I thought about how nuanced the joke was in this case, and genuinely laughed. I gave Heather the credit due, adding, "It has a really good tip, too!" After the words left my mouth, I begrudgingly felt no choice but to finish my own accidental joke as Heather mouthed the words along with me: "That's what she said."