HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRk the Herald Angels Sing

On the way home from work, I stopped at Hot and Ready. Though in my unending quest to turn all phrases into acronyms and then pronounce them as words, Hot and Ready has turned simply into HAR, which is pronounced gruffly in a pirate voice: "HARRRRRRR." Nothing whets my cheap, lazy appetite like some HARRRRRR in the late afternoon. Other people must feel the same, because there was a line. The worker behind the counter wished a couple "Feliz Navidad." From the back, the manager said, "You can't say that!" The next customer ordered six pizzas and after saying "thank you," the worker replied, "Merry Christmas!" As I stepped up to the front of the line, the manager emerged to say, "You can't say 'Merry Christmas' in any language! You have to say 'Happy Holidays'!" "Oh, 'cause 'Merry Christmas' isn't PC? Whatever!" the worker retorted in a dismissive manner. After paying for my two pizzas, the worker, irritated, said, "Happy Holidays." "It's a good thing you said that," I replied. "I'm one of those stinky Jews."

I'm not Jewish. I pretended to be, however, in order to illustrate a point. I wanted to convey that it's not as ridiculous as the worker seemed to think that people might not actually be Christian.

What still bothers me about the incident is that I said "stinky Jews." As those words escaped my mouth, I was somewhat appalled. I think my on-the-spot mentality was trying to channel the persona of a self-deprecating Jewish individual, so that my veiled criticism would come across as more of an enlightening "A ha!" moment rather than a lecture. Still, the truth remains that I am not nearly Jewish enough (or at all) to be self- deprecating with the religion. When the worker laughed after my remark, I feared that ey could be simply agreeing with the fact that Jewish people are stinky rather than getting the point.

Looking back, it's interesting to note that I seemed to think I had to be Jewish in order to educate this person. Why could I not make the same point as a "Christian" (whatever that means)? It's like when my students use the N word in class: Since my opinion on the matter is usually disregarded, I often just wait for one of the African American students to speak up and chew them out. It's frustrating to think that our society needs to hear the voice of the oppressed doing the informing or it is not given credence. While I can't easily be Latino in my classroom, I used this opportunity to feign a Jewish status since no one would be the wiser.

Furthermore, why am I positively reinforcing the statement about "Holidays" in the first place? All that does is serve to reinforce the notion of an obligatory theistic society, that people must believe in some higher power. Not everyone celebrates a holiday, which is an oft forgotten right our country claims to afford.

Anyway, I'd like to clarify that I do not think Jewish people are stinky. Except, perhaps, when they fart. My statement at the HARRRRRRR was not reflective of my feelings toward Jewish people. I've known many Jewish people in my life and, on occasion, I've even acted friendly toward a few. As a sign of good will, I will leave you some deodorant in your stockings -- I mean, under those big candle thingies.