Yard Sale

My town of residence held its city-wide yard sale, so of course I had to go peek through people’s crap and find some deals. Unfortunately, this type of event brings out all sorts of freaks. I realize it seems convenient to exclude myself from the freak category, especially when I have my share of freak moments, but while I’m weird, the weirdest people are those who don’t even realize they’re weird. While digging through a bin, one individual next to me loudly exclaimed, “Good Lord Almighty – Forest Gump on video cassette!” Is ey serious? I only wish I had gotten to it first! At the same station, there were several boxes of burned CDs for sale. While pirating music is one thing, attempting to make a profit from it is another. Sorting through these CDs, a clueless patron sincerely announced to the seller, “You have the best CD collection in America!” Move over, Sam Goody: Yard Sale Yani has the market cornered.

Just when I thought I could escape without further incident, a spacey individual approached me, setting eir hand on my arm. “What did you find today? Oh, it looks like you found two treasures.” I was about to correct that I only had one treasure, a board game, and that I had brought the other thing, a study guide for my teaching certification test, from home, but I was afraid that saying so might make it seem like I was interested in a conversation. Instead ey repeated, while stroking my arm, “Two nice treasures, what a good day for you.” Uncomfortable, I said nothing and briskly walked away to hide. I swear, a few more awkward encounters like these, and I just might start shopping at real people stores again.