Mother Nature's Revenge

I'm in Boston, riding the T on my way to Earthfest, a free concert. Several teenaged girls, each holding diet soda bottles, each disgustingly superficial, board the train and stand next to me. immediately, they complain about the heat. "It's hot." "It's so hot." "It's hot as balls." "You would know!" Overwhelming giggling ensues. Either she's promiscuous or really a man. Then they start whispering and pointing at other passengers. More laughing. "I can't believe I'm still totally sobes." "What?" "Sobes. Like sober." "Oh. Shit, yeah, I'm totally sobes, too." "That sucks." "Yeah. And it's hot." One of them drops her bottle and spills the liquid on other passengers' shoes. No one apologizes, but one girl calls her accident-prone friend a "dumb bitch" and they all giggle, oblivious to the menacing stares that they're receiving. The spill reeks of alcohol, so clearly they won't be sobe for long. "Why are they having this concert anyway?" "It's an Earthfest or something." "Oh God, does that mean there'll be environmental crap?" "It's probably Earth Day or some shit." (It's not.) "Whatever. You know I'm totally just going to leave this [bottle] on the ground when I'm done." Were she capable of irony, it might be amusing, but she had every intention of littering. Before getting off, they all agreed that this was, like, the absolute worst train ride they've been on in their life. That goes double for everyone who had to endure their presence.

After departing, I lost track of the girls (not that I tried to keep tabs), but during the festival, I sat adjacent to similar girls who were definitely not sobes. In between the Fray and James Blunt's sets, one girl started blowing chunks all over herself. With vomit in her hair and running down her legs, she had to be propped up by a friend and drifted in and out of consciousness. After some time, police officers came to escort her away, but not before she fell (into her own puke) when attempting to stand up on her own.

On my way out of the concert, I noticed another girl, equally hilariously, with barf on her shirt, being held by her friends. This gave me hope that somewhere in the sea of people, those not-so-sobe girls from the train were wading in their own puke. Hell, if they knew that everyone else was doing it, they'd probably do it intentionally.

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