Gay Cowboy

I just wore this shirt for the first time in years. In case the picture doesn't do it justice, it has a spray paint base, is outlined and accented with glittery puff paints, and then is topped off with shiny "gems" and a massive belt buckle. Gaudy doesn't begin to describe it.

Initially, I bought it at a thrift store for a Cowboys and Indians party my first year of college. From the start, I called it "my Gay Cowboy shirt," which I think made me a trendsetter considering I had Brokeback Mountain beat by a few years. Unfortunately, there are very few occasions that warrant wearing my Gay Cowboy shirt. As much as I like it, the shirt's lack of subtlety requires a lot of confidence, so I have to be prepared to get stared at.

Even if I were up for withstanding the stares, I fear the shirt wouldn't pass muster. For starters, I can't even figure out whether the cowboy is coming or going. His hands and buckle indicate that he's facing frontwards, but his head and shoes suggest he's looking towards the mountains. Maybe he's not gay, maybe he just goes both ways.

Also, is he lassoing his own head? I'm not saying life is easy for a bisexual cowboy (ain't that right, Heath? Joker-trauma my ass!), but suicide is not the answer. It's just a shame that he wasn't instead born a rapper, given his affinity for bling.

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