G.I. Joe: A Feminist Critique

Look, I didn’t go into G.I. Joe expecting it to be a feminist film, but it didn’t need to be so egregious on so many levels. I’d like to pretend that a film based on a franchise of dolls for boys (“action figures” is a euphemism to placate dads) would in some manner defy gender norms. Then again, in many households, G.I. Joe was frequently married to Barbie, who is practically a symbol of anti-feminism, despite being empowered enough to at various points in her life be a dentist, firefighter, veterinarian, and astronaut. I’ve applied for countless jobs lately and I have trouble even getting an interview, so Barbie landing so many careers is impressive. I’m tempted to accuse Barbie of sleeping her way to the top, but that would be a pretty un-feminist assumption.

Ah, but not nearly as un-feminist as the chase/fight/explosion-fest, G.I. Joe. Sienna Miller, best known for being jilted by Jude Law and taking her top off in a couple of movies, plays a character that is all sorts of problematic. She’s a hot brunette as the movie plays out, but a hot blonde in flashback sequences (nearly half the movie is comprised of flashbacks which are about as relevant as they are entertaining,) allowing the audience to see the best of both hot worlds.

When her character first emerges from a hovercraft with the villains, Miller is depicted as the leader. Progressive! you say. Sure, except that while her cronies wear impenetrable body armor, she fights in a spandex getup that showcases her cleavage. Later, while Miller fires a machine gun at civilians, she pauses to tell a fleeing woman, “Nice shoes!” HAHAHA IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE SHE’S A WOMAN, GET IT?! The way the scene is framed, we don’t even see the shoes in question, by the way.

Ultimately, we can’t even give Miller credit for being a leader or villainess because the whole time she’s been under mind control. She does have the distinction of being the only character in this situation to have her own will override the mind control, but unfortunately it’s because she’s in love. Her love for Duke, the all-American hero hunk, the same asshole of a man she was engaged to until he disappeared without saying a word after her brother died, is so strong that it defies all scientific research. She was manipulated into killing thousands of people, but show her a heartthrob with dimples and suddenly she has her priorities straight.

The only other female lead is Scarlett, the red head, no doubt a foil to Sienna’s blonde and brunette. Scarlett is the top of her class in the special forces, but when it actually counts and her life is on the line, she needs a man to save her each time. This scenario reflects real life in which many young women graduate at the top of their classes, but never receive the same career success as their male peers.

Scarlett doesn’t believe in love because it’s not scientific yet predictably falls for the predictable charms of Black Guy because he is the only one who objectifies her sexually rather than just treating her like one of the boys. Black Guy, by the way, is a walking stereotype: an affable, jokester sidekick whose lust for women outweighs his lust for life. He is accepted into the G.I. Joe program because when they average his scores with his impressive best friend Duke’s, he qualifies. Three cheers for affirmative action!

That’s not the only alarming racial component. Here’s a dialogue I’ve imagined between the scriptwriters:

Scriptwriter 1: What should we put into this movie in between explosion scenes?
Scriptwriter 2: How about some character development or a scene that helps make our muddied plot make sense?
Scriptwriter 3: Or… martial arts!
Scriptwriter 1: I vote martial arts. But let’s make sure to have a white guy be the superior fighter over the Asian guy. You know, just to avoid it being racially problematic.
Scriptwriter 2: Doesn’t that just make it racially problematic in another sense?
Scriptwriter 3: Not if we make sure the Asian guy is super evil and the white guy is super good! You know, like real life.

Anyway, I swear that the movie barely made sense, though I did chuckle a bunch of times, but never for the right reasons. My favorite part came just after an advanced weapon was launched in Paris resulting in the destruction of the Eiffel Tower and the deaths of thousands of people. In briefing the U.S. President on the incident, his aide announced, “The French are pretty upset.” Haha, you don’t say? Talk about an understatement.

This film is unwarrantedly hungry for a sequel. Although everything seems under control at the end, the last scene reveals that the U.S. President is now under mind control, too. I can’t believe they’d leave their sequel contingent on the worst actor in the entire film, which is really saying something. I can’t wait to be offended again!