Mix Tape Folly

When I was growing up, mix tapes were the quintessential gift to noncommittally indicate your feelings to someone without having to say a word: the lyrics do the work for you. I once made a tape full of songs about someone who had secret feelings for another person as a way to shyly indicate my own feelings. On another occasion, I made a tape with angrier songs, including a Cardigans track that featured the word "whore." It was a distinct, passive aggressive message that never had to be discussed because I had plausible deniability on my side. "The song wasn't a personal attack, I just thought you'd enjoy it." It's a valid excuse, true or not, because sometimes people make mix tapes just for fun, putting no thought into the lyrical implications, hence if anyone tries to call somebody out a hidden message, ey could end up looking like the fool for reading into something that's not there. I had one friend make a tape for eir significant other featuring several songs about oral sex. Was it a subtle hint? You bet. But when confronted, ey responded indignantly to the charges, ultimately getting away with the indecent suggestion. For this reason, I always considered mix tapes to be the perfect medium for communicating something and backtracking as necessary.

One of the funnier mix tape blunders I've encountered happened to my friend in high school. For Valentine's day, he and his girlfriend exchanged mix tapes as gifts. He knew she was going to put a lot of thought into it, and attempted to do the same. Consequently, imagine his surprise when the lead off song on her tape to him was "Better Man" by Pearl Jam. Surely you remember the song...

(This video, by the way, is somewhat off-putting since it paints this tragic song as a fun sing-along.)

Naturally, the song's lyrics disconcerted my friend, particularly the refrain "She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man." He asked me what I thought of its inclusion on the tape and I wasn't sure whether to be tactful or honest. I admit that it certainly didn't portray a healthy relationship, but I added that it might not mean anything since the rest of the songs were cliched and mushy. Initially he chose to just ignore the significance, although when he got in a spat with his girlfriend, he broke one of the cardinal rules of mix tape etiquette and confronted her about the song.

As it turns out, the song choice was based on a misunderstanding, not a pessimistic confession. She interpreted the words "can't find a better man" to mean "it wouldn't be possible to find a better man" rather than someone stuck in a crappy relationship. They had a good chuckle about the whole thing.

Ultimately, he broke up with her not too long after, though it wasn't related to the "Better Man" incident, unless you count the fact that she is clearly an idiot. Mix tapes are serious business.