This Is What It Sounds Like When Pigeons Die

Three dead pigeons fell to the ground. We had walked by the same spot a half hour prior on our way to lunch and there were no pigeon carcasses to be seen, so they had to all have died in that same short time frame.

The corpses had attracted a crowd of people who were trying to guess what happened. "They must have been electrocuted," someone said, gesturing toward the power lines above where a few other pigeons were resting.

Though that's the obvious choice, I know that can't be true because of SCIENCE! Science says birds don't get electrocuted on wires. Just don't expect me to explain how conductors and all that jazz works, because I couldn't do it for all of the money in the world, but I know that I've heard it before.

Look, I believe I'm a pretty smart guy, and that generally that comes across when I meet and have a conversation with someone. The main exception is when someone brings up a scientific topic. I don't know the difference between a proton and a neutron; my periodic table would consist of magazines. If you were to ask me anything of a scientific nature, my blank stare would probably give you the impression that I was home schooled -- or perhaps just a product of the public education system in the past five years - zing!

It's not that I don't believe in science. I think science is truth. I just don't know truth, apparently, and I'm content having blind faith. Someone should know science, hell, a lot of people should know science, as that is way more useful knowledge than my degrees in grammar and bullshitting, and I am counting on these people to make sure the world continues to work.

For a while, my lack of scientific understanding made me flirt with the idea of becoming a creationist. Then I could just outright dismiss all of the things that were way too confusing to me and attribute it to "God!" Gravity? God. Cell division? God. Photosynthesis? God. I wouldn't even need an answer, God would cover everything.

But even though I'm stupid, I'm not stupid, so I put my faith in science, even though I don't see it or understand it. Maybe I have more in common with a creationist than I'd like to admit.

Clearly, I can't explain the dead bird thing though, so I'm counting on one of you science-minded readers to explain how three pigeons can simultaneously die in the same spot like that. One could just be natural causes, two could be chalked up to some big coincidence, but three... those power lines have to be responsible somehow. As much as it would be easier to declare it a "miracle" (though who would declare the death of three pigeons a miracle other than poop-stained statues?), something real killed those birds. Use your wizardry science to explain it to me.

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