The Intruder

A month ago, a friend of mine called me shortly after midnight. She was concerned because, although she believed she would be home alone that night, she heard a voice coming from downstairs. She peeked down the stairs and found a window open that was previously closed and could now hear the voice counting, so she quickly ran back to her room and locked herself in, afraid an intruder was about to kill her.

Obviously, I was alarmed when she called and explained her situation, so I asked her what she wanted me to do. She had no course of action, but just wanted to tell someone what was happening so that I could hear her die and be able to tell other people. As odd as that request was, it made sense.

Anyway, a couple of friends I was hanging out with and I agreed to drive to her house to check out what was going on and pick her up to spend the night in a safer house. When we arrived, I was intimidated to step in and face danger, but as it turned out, the coast was clear. Any intruder that might have been in the house was no longer there, but my friend still opted to come home with us for peace of mind.

In order to ease the nerves and kill the frantic mood, we made light of the situation. If she wanted to hang out with us, she could have just asked. No need to concoct some elaborate scary story to get us to socialize with you.

We were kidding, obviously, but I find this scenario hysterical enough to be tempted to pull it in real life. "I'm in mortal danger, please rush to help me!... Oops, never mind, no big deal. Well, since you're here, we should probably hang out."

The only thing that could top that hilarity was Stacy's subsequent suggestion. Call someone you "admire," tell them that a stranger is about to murder you, and have them come to your rescue. Once they safely get you out of the house and you've spent a little bit of time together, stop and ask, "Wait, this is a date, right?"

Look, I'm not going to tell you to how court someone, but I think we might have stumbled upon a surefire way to score!!!