Drunk 4-Year-Old Steals Christmas Presents

So even though I resent the holiday season more than I enjoy it at this point in life, the following news story made my Christmas that much merrier:

"Drunk 4-Year-Old Steals Christmas Presents"

A lot of times funny news articles are summed up well enough in the headline. In this case, the story just gets better and better with each additional detail. Seriously, click the link and READ THE ARTICLE.

If you're one of the people who has previously told me, "Your posts are too long, who wants to read all that?" than 'tis the season, have I got a present for you: a video. Look, ma! No reading:



A four-year-old who misses his incarcerated dad enough to act out in an effort to be put in prison himself. His solution is to sneak out of his house in the middle of the night, drink a beer, break into a neighbor's house, and steal their Christmas presents. It also seemed like a good idea to wear one of the gifts, a little girl's dress, while he roamed the street and police caught him.

One beer did him in? Lightweight! Having his stomach pumped at four might be some sort of badge of honor, though.

Normally, I wouldn't actually be upset that the mom retained custody of the kid because we've all had incidents just like this one at some point our lives. (Right? No? Just me?) What bothers me is that the woman is clearly a mess. She just wants her moment in the spotlight, even if means openly broadcasting this embarrassing story about her kid and faulty parenting. She'll be gunning for a reality series soon enough.

And if the poor kid ever makes it to prison, his dad probably won't even acknowledge him after the crossdressing part. You know what they do to sissies in the south! Drinking and looting is one thing, but wearing a dress is a capital offense.