Assassins

The title alone is funny, because it uses the word "ass"... twice!

Currently, the Pitzer community is playing Assassins. It's a time of high paranoia, because I'm constantly looking behind my back to see if someone is stalking me. Everyone participating is to shoot their assigned target with a water gun, all while evading whoever is trying to kill you; you then take the assignment of the person you kill and repeat the process, with the last person standing wins. Last year, I won, meaning I have a legacy to fulfill.

Apparently, there is still junk mail being delivered to me at the house I lived in this past summer. Katy's sister, Amber, gave Katy the mail to deliver to me. When she told me, I got excited, and asked if we could go pick it up from her room immediately. As we departed, Michael Michael said, with a sad face, "Where are you two going?" From that awkward exchange, I was tipped off that, most likely, Katy was assigned to kill me. Though I probably should have ran away, I decided that I needed to face the situation, and if need be, I could totally take her in a showdown. Alas, we didn't even make it to the stairway before she turned and squeezed me, saying, "All right, I have you, but I can't kill you." I asked her why not, explaining it was just a game, but she was distraught.

We went upstairs to pick up the mail anyway, whereupon I discovered the envelopes were sopping wet, which I correctly assumed was the result of a leaky water gun. Katy whined about how this is a disgusting game and there's no way she could ever kill me. It is important to note that Katy is perhaps the sweetest individual in the world. When I first met her, I wanted to hit her because it just seemed so fake to behave that sugary all of the time. As time past, however, I realized that that was genuine Katy. (For added context, it might help to know that Katy made the "creepy in the butthole" inquiry.)

In retrospect, it came as no surprise that Katy would not want to kill me - or anyone for that matter. Once, we played 13 Dead End Drive, a board game where you try to kill your opponents' pieces. Rather than murdering someone else, she offed herself so as not to make anyone upset. Though it would be easy to exploit this weakness on the part of my assassin, the good sport that I am, I proceed to have a half hour pep talk about how it is just a game and why it is all right to kill me, and how, having signed up for the game, she should feel obligated to at least attempt to do me in. After near tears, I convince Katy to agree to try to pursue me. Needless to say, this is already a bastardized version of Assassins. What potential victim has to practically beg eir killer to kill em?

Thirty-six hours after I gave Katy encouragement, she killed me. What a bitch! I pump up her esteem and this is the thanks I get? I hope she dies! In the context of the game, I mean.

I jest. I think this is big progress for Katy becoming slightly more cold-hearted and I commend her for catching me off guard. Truthfully, it's a good thing not having this game consume my time when I could be writing my thesis. Dear gosh, my thesis. Shoot me again, this time with something more potent than water.