My (Earnest) Advice to Friends on How to Watch the New Season of Arrested Development Is the Same Kind of Thing You'd Hear a Youth Minister Tell Preteens about Sex

  • You've been waiting years for this, don't rush it before you're completely ready now. 
  • Hold off until you can share it with someone you love. 
  • This is a gift from God, a privilege not to be taken lightly. 
  • Just because all of your friends did it quickly doesn't mean you have to, too. 
  • You'll never be able to experience the magic of the first time again, so make sure it's special. 
  • If you get drunk and do 15 all in one night, you're going to regret it the next morning.

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