While shopping, my mom mentions having recently bought pants for an elderly family member of ours. "We can only buy him dark pants now: blacks, grays, and browns. You know why that is, right?"

I freeze instead of responding. He's an old, extraordinarily flatulent man, so I get where she's going. But I'd rather not have a confirmation that he poops his pants. That's a piece of information I don't mind being left in the dark about.

As my mom begins to answer her own question, I brace myself to hear the worst. "It's because he's always working in the yard and gets dirt all over himself. When he wears light khaki pants, you can see all the dirt stains on them when he goes out later."

Oh. DIRT stains. Really glad I kept my mouth shut and didn't answer what I thought was a rhetorical question.

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