Chasing a Butterfly

At recess in second grade, I had to pee - though at that age I called it "tinkle" - but didn't want to go through the lengthy process of asking permission then walking all the way inside. My first instinct was to run to relieve myself in the woods, but the lady on recess duty was always diligent to shoo people away from there because, like in Grimms's fairy tales, forests meant trouble. Instead, I ran out to an open field, kept my back turned to the other kids, and watered the lawn like it were my job.

As I finished up, I noticed the recess supervisor walking in my direction. I began to act like I had been playing and running around by myself, but she was on to me. "Were you just going to the bathroom?" she asked me directly. "No," I told her. "I was chasing a butterfly."

She bought it. More likely, she just wasn't feeling up to following through on disciplining me, but at the time I thought I was some evil genius... a wizzing whiz kid, if you will.

I was reflecting on this time today and realized that one day I'm going to be detained on a public urination charge (my friends will tell you it's inevitable) and I'm going to instinctively reach for the same excuse. The I-Was-Chasing-a-Butterfly defense holds up in court, right?


Lisa said...

The lying sure did start at an early age, Kev. :P

Lena T. said...

Once you start pissing in public it's hard to stop. I once had to take a personal moment and relieve myself in what I thought was a discreet bushy area, which it turns out it was, but only on one side. The side that wasn't shrouded in bushes faced the busy street of Santa Monica blvd. where drunk people walked pass me and tried to ignore the drunk grown woman in the party dress pissing on the side of a building "shrouded in bushes." It's harder for girls to use the 'i'm chasing butterflies' excuse, so I just walked off like nothing happened. Everyone was pretty down to oblige so it worked out in the end.

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