Which Mode of Transportation Does God Use?

A lot of people have existential questions about God, but my main query is a bit more focused: How does God get around? Helicopter? Boat? Rollerblades?

Rather than going to The Bible, I consulted the same source I use for all of my religious-based inquiries: the pop/rock hit songs of 1995. Here are the three ways that God stays mobile:

   

1. BUS

Song: One of Us - Joan Osborne

Lyric: "What if God was one of us? 

 Just a slob like one of us? 

 Just a stranger on the bus

trying to make His way home?" 

Like any good stranger on the bus, you can bet that God avoids eye contact, puts his belongings beside him on a seat so no one can sit next to him, and fumbles with his change when paying the fare.

   

2. TRAIN

Song: Everything Falls Apart - Dog's Eye View

Lyric: "I met God this afternoon

riding on an uptown train.

I said, 'Don't you have better things to do?'

He said, 'If I do my job,

what would you complain about?'" 

Though it seems like a step up from the bus, God appears pretty snippy while riding the train. Telling a dude that he's shirking his deity duties because humans are just going to be unhappy regardless is hardly the act of a courteous passenger.

   

3. CAR 

Song: Counting Blue Cars - Dishwalla

Lyric: "We count only blue cars, skip the cracks in the street,

and ask many questions like children often do.

We said, 'Tell me all your thoughts on God

'cause I would really like to meet her.'"

The big reveal here isn't that God drives a blue car, but that He is actually a She. God or not, it seems a little unsafe for her to be operating a motor vehicle given what we know about female drivers. Stick to public transit, sweetie!