Master of Disguise

"Is that Christopher Dorner in a wig?"

That might have been the funniest, most offensive comment made at our State of the Union party tonight. But the very idea that Dorner was eluding police capture by masquerading as a 102-year-old woman who waited hours to vote is too absurd to deny. I also find it funny that the old lady with involuntary muscle spasms was the only "special guest" of the President that didn't get to sit next to the First Lady.

But speaking of Dorner, he almost deprived us of the State of the Union. At least a couple major networks in Los Angeles decided to preempt the President's annual speech with live coverage of a mountaintop cabin on fire. KTLA said they would stream the State of the Union online instead. Excuse me, but I don't want to see just any man with a kill list… I want to see the man with a kill list that this country elected its leader.

Yet again, Obama said most of the right things. I rarely disagree with anything the man says (aside from tonight's calls for internet regulation - that is the best tool we have to fight corruption and fascism, so of course they're going to try to take that power away from us) in speeches: environment, mortgage adjustments, raising minimum wage, and preschool! It's the contrary actions I have a problem with. Thus far I've seen a wolf in sheep's clothing who rallies the majority's support by spouting progressive ideals, while in actuality enacting laws that support corporatocracy . I mean, last year his State of the Union called for holding Wall Street responsible for their illegal actions. Then his own administration failed to even attempt to prosecute even one Wall Street exec and he made no mention of it tonight. Here's hoping that his second term proves me wrong.

Anyhoo, my friends and I made a word list and drank every time the President said "jobs" and "families" and "guns", so needless to say, things got pretty tipsy. We also drank anytime Joe Biden made us laugh. That alone would have been enough. Is there a tally on how many times he removed and later replaced his glasses? How about the number of times he attacked his face with his hand?

We weren't sure what the green ribbons the politicians were wearing signified. My roommate suggested "illness" - you know, just general illness. Why does everyone have to choose a side when it comes to AIDS or cancer awareness? When another attendee noted that it was many of the Republicans who weren't wearing the green ribbons, I suggested that they might signify an opposition to rape.

Oh, and if you think the funniest part of Mark Rubio's response speech was when he took a sip of water (??), you weren't listening to the ludicrous things he was actually saying.