7 Things You Oughta Know about George Bush Sr.

I was reminded not too long ago that as a child I was a fan of George H.W. Bush because he reminded me of my grandfather. I’m sure it’s true, but it’s hard to remember how I felt about politics over two decades ago. Here are the things I remember most concretely about Bush Sr.: we share a birthday, he doesn’t like broccoli, and he vomited on some Japanese dignitary.

Since none of these have anything to do with his actual politics, I decided to watch 41, a documentary about Bush’s life. Even though it’s a puff piece that shies away from anything remotely controversial, good ol’ Bush Sr. is crotchety enough to say some pretty “charming” things that’ll make you go “Hmmmm…”

Here are 7 things I learned about George Bush Sr. from his own words:

1. He’s not afraid to take subtle digs at his wife: “Millie [his dog] wrote a book… and made a lot of money. Illiterate though she is, she made a lot more money than Barbara made on hers.”
2. He thinks you should respect corrupt leaders: “The thing that really offended me was when you get a lot of these kids from Capital Hill… [with a] ‘we’re going to get you, we know you’re all crooks!’ mentality and treating these career people [politicians] with disdain.”
3. He uses analogies that are as perplexing and explicit as R. Kelly lyrics: “Your job reminds me of screwing a gorilla… you can’t stop until the gorilla wants to.”
4. He believes that Watergate wasn’t a big deal: “You know, breaking into some Democratic headquarters is not the end of the world.” And are there any repercussions or lessons to take from the incident? “None!... And I think that most people would agree with that assessment because life goes on, you can’t stay mired in the past.”
5. He’s open about his attraction to women: “Girls?... I was admiring the figures, physiques very early on… There was a girl named Deedee Thurston who was a year older, think she had a rich father ‘cause she had a yacht… She wore a rubber bathing suit – I’ll never forget that - that was to die for.”
6. In some cases much older women: “[My friend] yelled, ‘Hurry on up! Mrs. Seymour is taking a shower, you can see her naked!’ Well, Mrs. Seymour was about 75, and we charged up there and sure enough she was stone naked.” (For the life of me, I can’t guess why he shared an anecdote about peeping on an old woman – particularly since it happened after he was a married father.)
7. He still shudders at the thought of Ross Perot: “Can you talk a little bit about Ross Perot?” “No, I can’t talk about him. I think he cost me the election and I don’t like him. Other than that, I have nothing to say.”

Okay, so none of the things I'm taking away from the documentary are all that political in nature, but at least I have some new quotations that will soon turn into inside jokes when no one else knows what I'm referring to.