OhLimpDicks

Ohhhhhh noooo.

I've barely left the couch today. The Olympics are on, and suddenly I care about sports again or whatever.

I have really mixed feelings about the Olympics. I hate nationalism, which puts me in a weird spot when it comes time to root for the athletes. I'm not going to cheer for the Americans just because they're American. I'd prefer to support the athletes who are the nicest or who have overcome the most. Perhaps the athletes with cancer, or had cancer, or are likely to one day have cancer. Or the underdogs. I'd prefer to support the athletes from countries who only send, like, five people total to represent them. It would mean so much to their countries for someone to bring home a single medal, whereas the USA wins so many medals that you lose track after just one day. 

And yet… I find myself rooting for the Americans anyway. It's just ingrained in me. My subconscious bleeds patriotic juices. I'm not happy about it, but it just shows how deep that kind of stuff runs. So… go USA? 

I'm not sure what to make of the opening ceremonies. Because I was at a restaurant, I couldn't hear most of the narration that might have explained what was going on, but it seemed like a hodgepodge of crap. It's as if they had a brainstorming session where they said "no ideas are wrong", but then ended up using all of the suggestions anyway. Though it wasn't "entertaining", I did sort of enjoy the celebration of Great Britain's national public health care. You mean to say that some countries actually like having their health costs covered by their government? I kept waiting for the participants to start ranting about socialism and death panels, but it was just a bunch of kids dancing on hospital beds. Even more reason to just root for USA, I guess.

In over four hours, the only part of the opening ceremony worth watching was this:

Please give all of the gold medals to this Vermont woman (I mean she's got to be from Vermont, right?) for general awesomeness. I'm going to have sexy dreams tonight of her playing Ryan Lochte's abs as a xylophone.