Fighting Back Sentimentality

My teaching career is concluding at the end of the week. Like anything that has aggravated me for a long period of time (be it a relationship, job, school, situation, etc.), before it's finally over, I've begun to romanticize it. I cannot help but question whether leaving teaching is a step I'm ready to make. Realistically, I know the answer is that teaching is wrong for me, at least under these current circumstances. Nevertheless, I've actually grown dependent on it and fear having to cope with that not being an active part of my life. Even when it's bad, it's hard to let go. Fortunately, summer brings a natural conclusion to this situation so that I don't have the opportunity to be wishy-washy or think it'd be better that I stay on longer.

I approached my last week with an open mind, deciding to go with the flow and enjoy the normally frustrating occurrences. I did just that during the first period of the day until disaster struck. While my back was turned as I tallied points for a review game, apparently, one student threw a plastic bottle at another student's head. This stricken student got up and tipped over the desk of a third student incorrectly believing him to be the bottle thrower. Miffed, the tipped over student stood up and approached the desk pusher, a situation that would surely escalate to trouble. It's worth noting that these two students are the two biggest students I have, both in terms of height and girth. They're each at least 6'3", and storming toward one another. In an act of bravery or stupidity, I sprint and put my body between the fuming pair. To emphasize that I disapproved, I screamed, "No! No! No! No!" Unfortunately, my cries were ineffective, as a fight broke out, literally over the top of my head. Given their respective heights, they were able to throw punches above my head, bloodying each other's faces. Being stuck between this enraged pair and unable to stop it, I finally retreated and called the office to request some assistance from security. Three kids were carted off, two of which were suspended.

Expectedly, it freaked me out to be literally smack in the middle of a senseless brawl, powerless to change the situation. I've felt powerless as an educator since the start, and this was just a manifestation of that emotion. Perhaps this will be the metaphor I recall about my experience: teaching is standing between two oversized goons pointlessly attacking one another over a misunderstanding and being unable to do a damn thing. What am I doing there? What's the point?

There's nothing here to romanticize, so I refuse to be sentimental. Even if I am tempted to do so, I'll just think about any one of a long series of incidents like this fight and know that I've made the right decision. Good bye. Good riddance.